19

"Make the best of what we have"

1. Today was just too lovely to be compared with the other boring days that I went through lately. I woke my a** up quite early this morning, went to uni and met mum (Jo Carr) in her room. Ah, what a happy lady she is! Welcoming me with her big smiles and definitely healthy this time.

* She has been sick lately; so, seeing her around healthily this time somehow makes me to feel good and happy too*

2. The conversation was pretty casual. No pressure, and Jo is always motherly when it comes to a leisure talk. She could fully lend all the ears and give some wise words to us if she felt so. So, we talked a lil bit about our academic stuffs at the beginning, but towards the end we moved slowly talking about myself and herself. She was telling that she'll be retiring possibly end of this year in December. Ah, twas indeed a shocked one, I mean really a sudden decision. I was recently being informed that our coordinator in Malaysia has been replaced with a new man, and today, I got to know that she's going to 'leave' us too. Hmm, how could I not to feel at least 'missing something' feeling . "It's time, zam. Let me be a good grandma and play more happy musics". I smiled. Ah, she's probably in many ways. She would need a proper rest after so long managing and coordinating this twinning program. Yup, for many years, since my seniors times, I could see a lot of her great contributions on this program besides the other important people like Bob, Jan and Mary. She must've been tired, I reckon. Plus, her health condition seems to be finer if she could have more rests and play with the grandchildren.

3. Ah, don't you worry about us, Jo. Even though knowing that you're retiring from academic field might sounds a bit bitter to me, but I'm absolutely happy for you and so the others too, I bet. Thank you very much for everything that you have provided for me here since the beginning. Your inspiring words, your lovely pats on the back, everything. My sincerely thank you. I'll be missing you very badly.

Take care, madame.=')

Play more musics.

20

"If everyone could think, there might be less conflicts or zero war"

20 more days left exactly from today before I'm leaving Brisbane for good.

*Now I know precisely how the seniors used to feel*

Every night, I'm thinking hardly to have at least a reason that can make me to stay here.

Not because of entertainment and freedom that it offers, but because of the place itself.

I just love Brisbane as B.R.I.S.B.A.N.E.

Indeed, a very lay back, peaceful and welcoming place.

Unsurprisingly, Brisbane has been a very good and wonderful 'teacher' for me teaching about how life works.

For some cultural and humanistic reasons, I feel more appreciated and acknowledge here.

I have learnt about the real friendship who could be with you through thin and thick,

not only among the local people but in thinking-Malaysian group as well.

No matter where I go; I could feel a strong sense of belonging.

I am being called politely as a 'mate' rather than inappropriate terms or adjectives.

ah, there are just too many random friendly people who could say hello to you for not a big reason.

How am I going to leave these good things for certain of somethings which I think they shouldn't work that way?

Yes, I miss mum, dad, and the whole family.

I miss the foods.

I miss breathing in my country, who doesn't?

but, definitely not the inappropriate attitudes which I think 'certain of them' still fail to overcome.

Lack of sense of respect.

Lack of good manners.

Lack of here and there as a basic human being.

ah, if this 'certain of them' could do at least a rational thinking for them, probably it is a good place that invites everyone to come.

p.s: Well, I'm still looking the right euphemism for this 'certain of them'.

happy-nise?

"When was the last time I get real happy?"

Lately, I realise that blog seems to be a main place for me to pour my feelings on. Even though, most of the posts were written quite short, but I really found a lot of satisfactions and relieve transforming those discontented feelings into words. Mum said sometimes it is better writing or drawing than barking if we felt screwing up, and I think it works on me. She is just super genius!

p.s: Ah, it is better to have something rather than nothing to be share with. =)

farewell.

It was indeed a very emotional night for me.

I seemed to smile looking at them, at every face to be exact.

Laughing, teasing and cracking some good jokes with them.

Nodding when they left to say 'see you again'.

But, I could not deny that it's really upsetting me.

It's even worst for not able to see both of you.

Thank you very much for the cake.

=(

Sunyi.

Hari-hari yang sunyi,

memang sepi,

dan mungkin akan lebih sunyi lagi pada hari-hari yang akan mendatang.

........

a sister and a 'sister'?

*Heart discreetly whispered*

Sometimes, I wish that I could have at least one good sister.

A younger or elder good sister.

Really. This is not random, but it's just something that I have never spoken to anyone before.

I feel embarrassed to talk about it because I find it as something personal.

But, to be real honest,

I could feel that my life would be probably better if I had two best ladies that I love most in life;

'mum and a sister'

If mum was too busy, she is there for me to talk EVERYTHING with.

I will definitely not resort her as a last person to share with.

She will be my best confidante for the rest my life.

She will be 'Kau ilhamku'.

How wonderful life is, if now, she is here.

She'll be definitely the first one that will know, how significantly screwed I am now.

A guarantee:

To sooth me.

To pat me.

To keep messaging and asking about me.

But unfortunately, 'if' is just a journey of life.

A future that no one knows about its certainty.

*Heart sighed*

Stop dreaming, zam.

Keep moving.

Mum says that you are a strong-hearted guy.

Keep that in your mind.

Coax

It's not a big deal not to have a dreamed sister or any relative.

You have been through all the hardships lonely.

So, why should there be a question about a 'sister' now?

p.s: If I really have a sister, I'll tell her that "I really need you, sis"

Lega.

Lega. Sedikit.

Hilang segala resah and sedih.

Walaupun sekejap tapi bermakna.

Janji-janji itu pasti akan disimpan.

Terima kasih.

=)