Certainly, a call for an oblivious.

Too many things happened lately. Too many.
Yet, I'm not stronger as how I supposed to be.
*sigh*

Why?
Hurm, questions of 'Why' seem to be rhetorical lately.
With no definite answer.

"You are a strong-hearted guy. But, perhaps, this time, it might involve too many factors,"
A friend of mine told.

Clueless.
I feel too oblivious at the moment. Merely a nitwit but a mess, to be precised.
I could feel that I am losing my moxie. I am losing my wise thoughts.
Running, ditching and waving me behind. Alas!
I am trying to walk with all the moments that I have.
Whenever I fall, I keep trying to stand back.
As tall as proud I could.
Yet, I'm not stronger as how I supposed to be.
I keep persuading my heart that everything is all right.
I keep putting more smiles on a face.
But, trying to look as a happy guy when you are not is certainly not easy.
I know and I'm well precised about it.

p.s: Happiness is too short for me.

I am pathetic.

1. Sometimes, I could feel that I am a very lucky person to be as how I am now. Having a solid upbringing from a totally responsible family which definitely makes me to feel good and even better for not being a person who will 'fuck you harder if you fucked me hard'. At the same time, I am not saying that I am a person yang selalu boleh sabar. But, I just find that it is really pointless for being one. And If I urged to do so, I guess, I might have no concrete reason to put in my argument.

2. However, along the way in making of being a good one, I know, when I am trying to behave well to people, numbers of them might take me just for granted. Play around, get wicked and when they get a real shot, they will push you from back. Well, I am not trying to complain or even to say bad about you. But, please, give no shit to 'accepting people as how they are' if you never know the connotation and denotation meaning of it.

3. I know, I am not a COOL dude (as how you define). I am not a charming and good-looking person as how you see the others. I'm well understand with that and I ain't people to tell me. But, hell no, that doesn't mean you could call me with with those inappropriate words, heartless describe me as something disgusting and other fucking shits. I never care to come and 'harass' you, why should you?

4. I am not an arsehole who always bark at people. I am not nurtured to be that way. But, God is the most just and he knows better than the others of what his hamba should deserve for. We are not meant to be in this world forever. Think about it.

My boys.

1. Technically, I have another 3 more days to spend in Brisbane b4 I head back to Malaysia. It is supposed to be excited but hell no, I don't exactly feel so. Yeah, I do miss my family in Malaysia and I really want to meet a bunch of my close mates over there. But somehow, the feeling is just not there. I feel somber or to be precised, unhappy to leave Brisbane (As if I'm going back to Malaysia for good). It is ridonculous and I could sense that I'm gonna miss Brisbane dearly alot (I have to admit that I have this feeling rasa xsedap hati yang amat sangat for this homecoming). And it is so TRUE, I become so fragile and a lil bit sentimental lately. I have been thinking quite alot and not to forget imagining my days in next year with no Pavi around. Alas, Denish will be in different house too. That's more even worst when you use to stick together and suddenly end up with pieces. Hurm. It's a way too sad to think about and no one knows how it screws me a lot. Seriously.

2. Few days back, when I told a friend of mine that I have my boys in my priorities list, I really meant it for every single of my word. I seem to be an arsehole and sicko sometimes, but they might never know how worth they are to me. No one can expect and doubt of my willingness to sacrifice my happiness, my joys and even myself for them. For me, it's not totally something moron to be done pun by giving all the things that I have but having a best relationship with precious people is something priceless, man. What more, when you are just the only child in your family. You care and tend to put more attention on things that you never have a chance to have. Seriously. It doesn't matter how certain of them could be bisa at times and playful too but as long as you are sincere at understanding and placing the priorities appropriately in a friendship, that should be enough, blokes. That's how we get together and also, that's how we strengthen our bonding with each other.

3. Next year, as uni is going to begin, no one can deny that things will be slightly changed. When some of us are no longer together as we used to have, trust me, certain changes will definitely happen. Don't give a shit to "Distance makes heart grow fonder,". It's never true and the reason people create that line is solely for the sake of trying to sooth people who are in that case. But, sigh...
There is nothing much that I could say here. I just hope that we can remain together as how we use to do, we can still blow the same trumpet as how we use to talk and we can still get to each other if we needed to do so.


Till then and thanx alot for everything, boys.

Soon.

I'll update you soon.
Sorry for leaving you too long.
Promise.