Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Berhenti sahaja disini.

Bukan merungut tetapi sekadar berhalusinasi.
Bukan membenci tetapi hanya mengagumi.
Melihat betapa hebat dirinya apabila diuji.
Merenung betapa lemah dirinya apabila ditubi-tubi.
Hatinya mula tidak bersuara,
apabila kepiluan mula berkata.
Perasaannya mula bergelora,
apabila kesebakan mula menimpa.

Hasrat hati ingin memanjangkan lagi, tapi tak terdaya dirinya ini.
Berhenti sahaja untuk tulisan ini, sehingga kita berjumpa lagi.

Choice? Tell him if he had so...

seems to be very odd but not too rare to happen.
As he was trying to lullaby himself,
his eyes still keep blinking with disagreement.
He has no idea of WHY, of HOW and of WHAT.
but just some discontented, uncomfortable.
and a bit pissed off with no reason.


Tell him if he had so.
Choose him to be so,
as someone who has a choice to be made.
He is ready to off.


Monday, 29 June 2009

This is what we called an odd but not too rare

1. This is what we called an odd but not too rare. Whenever and wherever you wish to do everything but you will always end up with something unexpected (which are always the dull ones). And obviously, I am a part of it which is never being excluded to be in a particular group. Recovering from some of the illnesses, I have been rotting in my room for nearly days (fever, sore throat...). I am seriously 'died'. With nothing much to do (I mean, besides facebooking, gaming), erm... I'm just keep moving with my such unproductive routine. Sigh...

2. Last evening wasn't that much difference like the other days. Apart from listening to some 'oldies', I had been spending for nearly hours to have an 'appreciate' review at 'My pictures'. Started with my mum, my dad, my relatives and the list goes on, I can feel how does each picture carry its very own personafication in it. Qualities such as happiness, depression and some sweet hatred made you happened to feel of how great life is if we were able to be at those moments.

3. Sometimes, people do make sense in their daily life. Whenever they say, picture is not only a matter of moments' captured, but it also lies thousands of meanings behind it. I always thumbs-up and agreed. Undeniable and somehow an album of pictures makes me to appreciate more of all people around me. Looking throughly at the eyes of my mum, my dad, my relatives and my bunch of friends. Erm, I can see how changes and how varieties happen.

4. This year, when my mum turns to be a 47-year old lady and my dad starts to grow more grey hairs on his head, it makes me to think more and more about a so-called plot of life. It makes me to ponder, to reflect of each single thing that I have done in your life. The contributions, the good deeds, the bad deeds, the depression, the happiness and also the hatred... I might be an ordinary sentimental guy who likes to talk about emotions, tears and what so-ever. But, actually, who cares! At the end of the day, I'll be the one who put a price for myself. Not the others!

Thursday, 25 June 2009

It seems to be right

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

George Carlin

Wednesday, 24 June 2009


I guess,
I have been depending too much on antibiotics

and as well as painkiller to cure my illness recently.
I wish to stop it,

but I just can't.
Because I still can feel the pain is flowing.

Because I still can see how my hands are shivering.
Because I still have to tell lies to my mum that "I'm alright,"


Monday, 22 June 2009

Because I know

It always happens,
whenever I need a person to talk with,
I'll reach merely to fail.
End up with some unexplainable tears,
which seem to be a good friend of mine
which have been so long with me.
During Happiness,
as well as sadness.
I won't mind.
Call me a non-gentleman,
call me a 'gembeng',
call me an emo-kid.
I won't mind.
Because I know,
I have been living with it for so long.
I will stay as how I am fated to be.

-The Z A M-

Somebody's me

You, do you remember me?
Like I remember you?
Do you spend your life
Going back in your mind to that time?
Because I, I walk the streets alone
I hate being on my own
And everyone can see that I refell
And I'm going through hell
Thinking about you were somebody else

Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes someday you will see
That Somebody's Me [2x]

How, How could we go wrong
It was so good and now it's gone
And I pray at night taht our paths will soon cross
And what we had isn't lost
Cause you're always right here in my thoughts

Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes someday you will see
That Somebody's Me [2x]

You'll always be in my life
Even if I'm not in your life
Because you're in my memory
You, will you remember me
And before you set me free
Oh listen please

Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes someday you will see
That Somebody's Me [5x]

p/s: 'somebody' who is undefined like me

Friday, 12 June 2009

Kids are just hardly to be predicted

1. I am living with a reflection which never fails me to keep digesting the moments. Besides a process of top-down learning, reflection has always made me to believe it as a movement of moment to another moments. It is a cognitive process which I feel has somehow provided us with more chances to be a better person.

2. Typing in a room which literally accompanying by my deary (lonely) has brought another 'self' into my mind. A 10-minute moments of 'studying' with the kids and replying their smiles which I gained today has headed me to a conclusion of 'Kids are just hardly to be predicted'

3. My mum is always right. (Well, my dad too! lol). Kids are always being updated by the environment which they are belong to. A toddler who has an ability of non-abstract thinking will never fail to happen his siblings with such a long sigh. An adorable little girl who is simply egocentric holding a teddybear might lead his dad to end up with a bad-but-short madness.

4. However, it is too miracle when parents never have a feeling of regret growing up their kids. It gives us more rhetorical when a mum starts to share her childrens' good-and-bad behaviours with another mum. (Giggle). Today, I can see how kids can made my day to be a better one. Receiving a sweet smile from a little girl made me not to feel reluctant to wave hand at her.

5. A 'comot-ness' of 8-year old boy has somehow provided me a good reason to keep breathing. His sincere smile with some soothing laughters managed to 'shhuuu' away all the sadness. A routine of streaming down the tears which always being done immediately dissappeared away.


Pelik kan? Too complicated.

p/s: Kids, thanx for alot for the smiles. You made my day. seriously.


dia terlalu 'penat',
Bukan jatuh, tapi mungkin perlu berehat.
He needs an 'inhaler',

an 'inhaler' with some options


Monday, 8 June 2009

He is a man of words

Whenever you need me,
wherever you call me from,
I'll always hope not to fail,
of being on your side.
Sitting gracefully,
waiting patiently,
with each minute to shed the tears,
with each minute to hear your words.

Whenever you need me,
wherever you call me from,
I'll always hope not to fail,
of being on your side.
Providing a shoulder to cry on,
whispering some words that may sooth you,
with a hope of yourself to be good.


Even though,
whenever you don't need me,
wherever you don't call me from,
I'll always hope not to fail,
of being on your side.
To whisper at you,
"I am always here with all ears for you,"

p/s: Take care...

People never stop to laugh

He can hear a laughter of people,
whenever he asked for some 'smiles to be borrowed'.

He can hear a laughter of people,
whenever he told somebody to "be your'wise'self".

He can hear a laughter of people,
whenever he claimed himself as 'undefined'.

He can hear a laughter of people,
whenever he said "I am a man of words".

He can hear a laughter of people,
whenever he said "I drop my tears yesterday"


Dare to believe

Self as an ordinary man could be a lil bit 'offensive' when he was started to be questioned about a passion that he really hates most. As I was reading a this tiny book entitled 'Dare to believe', I was suddenly re brought to a moment which I never imagined to be recalled again. A conversation of one-on-one with Jo which I had in her room on last few weeks. Actually, there was no bad incident or even a nightmare which required me to share over here. However, what really made me to remember her most was when she started to question about my passion towards reading.

" Are you a reader, zam?," asked her

"Yes, I am. But, I am more inclined into informal genre," answered me with a chesty voice.

I was randomly speechless. It was odd, suspent and simply a killing moment when someone had a good opportunity to 'checkmate' you. In anytime of any ways, a person like me can be simply pinned out if one manage to identify your weakness. I admit it. I don't choose a habit of reading as my major hobby. It seems that a disagreement is always seen as I started to look at the books. I have no idea about it. A boredom is always there to stop me from seeing the pleasure of reading. I was told by mum about my reading habit during a childhood. I used to have a wonderful hobby which can always impress of anyone when I was toddler. I appeared to be a 'geek' who loves book very much when I was at the age of 9-10 years old. In fact, I still remember each of happiness that I gained when my mum bought a collection of 'cerita Rasullah' for me when I was 10 years old. However, the habit is started loose gradually as I grown up. Having a collection of books seems to be lame and uninteresting hobby to be own. I start to build a sense of boundary between me and reading materials unconsciouly. It is definitely sad when the presence of you in a society is being ignored. When a group of people are started to share the pleasures and enjoyments of reading and you are just there with zero to say. Very sad.

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Manusia itu tidak dilahirkan jahat

"Manusia itu tidak dilahirkan jahat,"
(Nurkasih, 2009)

1. As I was experiencing a process of rethinking, I started to google out for some of the good Malay dramas which I was badly to watch. After being so long of searching them, I finally managed to find one of a good series which recently can be found on Malaysian channel, TV3. It's entitled 'Nurkasih'. Sound convential though? In fact, I had a same opinion at the beginning where I was like 'erm, mcm cerita biasa je,". However, as I was done with a trailer,I could say it's might be a good series which can be watched openly by everyone.

2. The main intention of me writing this entry is not to inform or even to summarize the plots of this particular series. However, I am here tonight (still awake) with more passions to elaborate on one of the excerpts which can be found in this series. A 'voiced' line which I think has thousands of meanings that should be revealed on.

3. "Manusia itu tidak dilahirkan jahat, semuanya baik" might sound as lame as history to numbers of people (I was one of them). A 40-year old man might say "alar, kalau dah didiknya begitu, tetap begitu," while a 20-year teenager old would come out with his or her 'lapok' philosophy "It's a nature of human being," which I think in many ways could be a bulls**t!

4. Looking back at every single of word, I feel that if we decided to consolidate and decode a line back. It might be a most miracle line which we were never imagine a momento of it.
What more, when it comes to a situation where you'll be tested and challenged more by Him.
Mathematically, I have been a solid-yet-unperfect-human being for nearly 21 years. I have been witnessing diversities of people which I think is interesting. Even though, I might not able to experience everything, but still, I have little of something to be shared on

5. Observing the changes of people, mingling with different groups of people, talking beyond the boundaries of social-groups do not only enhance our quality of Human capitals but it also offers us vast arrays of chances to learn. Chances where an opportunist will view them as assistance or scaffolding that distinguish the goodness and the weakness of every creation of Him. Unik kan? He is the most almighty. He creates every things, stuffs and even actions of humans for us which at the end of the day, He makes us to return back to think about Him.


To those who might feel I was different just now,

I would like to apologize to each of my brothers for being quite inappropriate tadi (That's what I felt). I feel that I might just killed a happy mood of our dinner tadi in a very short period with my 'unpleasant' behaviour. I'm sincerely sorry for every single 'unseen' things that happened. Believe me or not, I never had any intention or even a 'niat' to do that from deep of my heart. This is only due to the 'unsuall-ness' things that manipulate me. Thousands of apologies.

I know.
I would appear to be a slightly different person when I had a routine of dinner with you guys. It happened very suddenly which turned me to be unconscious. Experienced a mixture of 'undefined' feeling which at the end would lead to a discontented phenomenon. I had been so quiet during our dinner time tadi. My mind kept 'beserabut' and my body was never stopped from shivering as I was forcing myself to be still. Thousands of apologies.

I know.
As I started to join a dine table, the crowd turned to be so dull. Voiceless. Every single of us was silent as if there was no such issue to talk about. A circle of brothers who always appear to be so 'kepochi' was not talking as much as usual. Everyone seemed to be in a deep thought where no one was care about the noises which we can hear from outside.

"zam, you are alright?,"

"You are not feeling well?,"

"kenapa mcm runsing je ni?,"

Socratic questioning came in. However, I resisted to answer. Let them be rhetorical. As not to worry the brothers, I simply nodded my head. Pavi's smirk seemed to be unsatisfied with the answers. What a fake of me...!

I know.
He continued to pick up a conversation by 'tegur' the shaking of my legs.

"It's not good to shake your legs while eating, zam,"


"It will shake your enzymes, "

"Good. Let them shake then,"

Pavi, I'm sorry for being tough with you tadi. The shaking of my legs annoyed you kan?....
Thousands of apologies to everyone.

Thousands of apologies to everyone.

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

I don't want to talk about it

I can tell by your eyes that you've prob'bly been cryin' forever,
and the stars in the sky don't mean nothin' to you, they're a mirror.
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
If I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?

If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the color of my heart;
blue for the tears, black for the night's fears.
The star in the sky don't mean nothin' to you, they're a mirror.
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.
If I stay here just a little bit longer,
if I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?
I don't want to talk about it, how you broke this ol' heart.

If I stay here just a little bit longer,
if I stay here, won't you listen to my heart, whoa, heart?
My heart, whoa, heart.

p/s: He has been listening to it for nearly hundreds times... erm.