Friday, 25 December 2009

Certainly, a call for an oblivious.

Too many things happened lately. Too many.
Yet, I'm not stronger as how I supposed to be.
*sigh*

Why?
Hurm, questions of 'Why' seem to be rhetorical lately.
With no definite answer.

"You are a strong-hearted guy. But, perhaps, this time, it might involve too many factors,"
A friend of mine told.

Clueless.
I feel too oblivious at the moment. Merely a nitwit but a mess, to be precised.
I could feel that I am losing my moxie. I am losing my wise thoughts.
Running, ditching and waving me behind. Alas!
I am trying to walk with all the moments that I have.
Whenever I fall, I keep trying to stand back.
As tall as proud I could.
Yet, I'm not stronger as how I supposed to be.
I keep persuading my heart that everything is all right.
I keep putting more smiles on a face.
But, trying to look as a happy guy when you are not is certainly not easy.
I know and I'm well precised about it.


p.s: Happiness is too short for me.

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

I am pathetic.

1. Sometimes, I could feel that I am a very lucky person to be as how I am now. Having a solid upbringing from a totally responsible family which definitely makes me to feel good and even better for not being a person who will 'fuck you harder if you fucked me hard'. At the same time, I am not saying that I am a person yang selalu boleh sabar. But, I just find that it is really pointless for being one. And If I urged to do so, I guess, I might have no concrete reason to put in my argument.

2. However, along the way in making of being a good one, I know, when I am trying to behave well to people, numbers of them might take me just for granted. Play around, get wicked and when they get a real shot, they will push you from back. Well, I am not trying to complain or even to say bad about you. But, please, give no shit to 'accepting people as how they are' if you never know the connotation and denotation meaning of it.

3. I know, I am not a COOL dude (as how you define). I am not a charming and good-looking person as how you see the others. I'm well understand with that and I ain't people to tell me. But, hell no, that doesn't mean you could call me with with those inappropriate words, heartless describe me as something disgusting and other fucking shits. I never care to come and 'harass' you, why should you?

4. I am not an arsehole who always bark at people. I am not nurtured to be that way. But, God is the most just and he knows better than the others of what his hamba should deserve for. We are not meant to be in this world forever. Think about it.

Monday, 21 December 2009

My boys.


















1. Technically, I have another 3 more days to spend in Brisbane b4 I head back to Malaysia. It is supposed to be excited but hell no, I don't exactly feel so. Yeah, I do miss my family in Malaysia and I really want to meet a bunch of my close mates over there. But somehow, the feeling is just not there. I feel somber or to be precised, unhappy to leave Brisbane (As if I'm going back to Malaysia for good). It is ridonculous and I could sense that I'm gonna miss Brisbane dearly alot (I have to admit that I have this feeling rasa xsedap hati yang amat sangat for this homecoming). And it is so TRUE, I become so fragile and a lil bit sentimental lately. I have been thinking quite alot and not to forget imagining my days in next year with no Pavi around. Alas, Denish will be in different house too. That's more even worst when you use to stick together and suddenly end up with pieces. Hurm. It's a way too sad to think about and no one knows how it screws me a lot. Seriously.

2. Few days back, when I told a friend of mine that I have my boys in my priorities list, I really meant it for every single of my word. I seem to be an arsehole and sicko sometimes, but they might never know how worth they are to me. No one can expect and doubt of my willingness to sacrifice my happiness, my joys and even myself for them. For me, it's not totally something moron to be done pun by giving all the things that I have but having a best relationship with precious people is something priceless, man. What more, when you are just the only child in your family. You care and tend to put more attention on things that you never have a chance to have. Seriously. It doesn't matter how certain of them could be bisa at times and playful too but as long as you are sincere at understanding and placing the priorities appropriately in a friendship, that should be enough, blokes. That's how we get together and also, that's how we strengthen our bonding with each other.

3. Next year, as uni is going to begin, no one can deny that things will be slightly changed. When some of us are no longer together as we used to have, trust me, certain changes will definitely happen. Don't give a shit to "Distance makes heart grow fonder,". It's never true and the reason people create that line is solely for the sake of trying to sooth people who are in that case. But, sigh...
There is nothing much that I could say here. I just hope that we can remain together as how we use to do, we can still blow the same trumpet as how we use to talk and we can still get to each other if we needed to do so.


Till then and thanx alot for everything, boys.


Saturday, 19 December 2009

Soon.


I'll update you soon.

Sorry for leaving you too long.
Promise.

Friday, 13 November 2009

For some reason, I can't explain.


I really feel to write at least something tonight.

But, my mind is too blur and soggy.
Everything seems to be not really right.
And I know, I'm just not OK as usual.

I could feel the sense of uneasiness in me.
While my eyes keep blinking with lotsa of sorrows,
my lips whisper the undefined feelings to my mind.
Somehow, I feel that I'm so hurtful, somber, dull...
which happen due to no reason.

*sigh*

p.s: Yesterday, when I told a friend of mine, life gets tougher from day to day, I really mean it.

Thursday, 12 November 2009

me.

Somewere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dream of
Once in a Lullaby I...

Somewere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
And the dreams that you dream of
Dreams realy do come true...

Ohhh

Some day I wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind...Me
And where troubles melt like lemon drops
High above the Chimney tops
Thats where..
You'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
And the dreams that you dare to
Dreams realy do come true

Ohhh yes

Dreams come true


p.s: I keep playing the same song since the past few days.

Friday, 6 November 2009

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry, ma'am.
I didn't mean to get your night tougher.
I know, u were so exhausted.
and I could see it with no doubt.
But, seriously, I could bet on it.
It was really unintentionally done.
You came to ask me when I was a bit 'mamai'
and I answered you with no thoughts at all.

You left the bus and as well as the guilty in me.
My profoundest apology to you.

p.s: This bus is going to roma street.

Wednesday, 4 November 2009

random thought.


Pardon me for being a person who might make a generalization
to everybody.

But, I always believe that,
certain people might find that it is not an easy task for them
to fake the feeling.
To deny their anger.
To put aside their jealously.
To keep the tears behind their smiles.
Really. And it's more even worst when people start to have this
syndrome called Skeptical-ism.
Which, perhaps, at the end, would 'kill' anybody in a shot.

Seriously.

Sunday, 1 November 2009

That's not pathetic

video

When it comes to music,
everyone might call me an old-school.
Oh, I don't really mind about it.
Like seriously.
As a listener who has a strong passion in music,
I choose the songs which I think would only pleasure me.

And this one song has been my all-time favourite since I was 6
(Huh! It's kinda weird for a 6-year old boy to listen to this type of songs)
Whenever I feel that I'm alone,
I'll immediately switch on this song.
It's soothing, entertaining,
and definitely accompanying me along the sorrow.

Somewhere over the rainbow.

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Brotherhood

Perhaps, this is what we called brothers.When he knows that you might be upsetting or depressing with something, he'll definitely come to ask you.
(Even though, you are far away)


"You're all right, man?," he asked.
"Yeah. Why?," I said. (Denying the himself)
"You seems to be.... Nah, forget it," he replied.


Then, he leaves with a big question mark on his face. Seem not to be satisfied with the answer. In the next few minutes, he comes again. Asking for a same question. But, this time with a different way.


"Are you sure, man?,"
"Yes, I am,"
"I don't really think so,"


*Now is thinking hard of something how to cover up himself*


"Nah, I'm just tired. Don't worry, man,"


Sometimes, it really makes me to ponder, looking at the scenarios of brothers or sisters are fighting each other. Don't you think it's a blessing if you could have people like 'abang' or 'adik' to be around us?

Monday, 26 October 2009

Frustration.

This is really frustrating. Upsetting. Could be depressing too.
I mean, for real.
When you are really thinking very hard,
searching for some brilliant words that could suit that bloody 'mental image'.
But, at the end of the day, it's not paid off.
How could that happen?

Perhaps, I just have to accept a fact that I am mediocre.

Monday, 19 October 2009

mengapa?


Entah mengapa,
sungguh rasa tidak sedap hati.
Seperti ada benda yg tidak kena.
dan 'down' juga. Tiba-tiba.
Mengapa ye?

p.s: Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright,"

Sunday, 18 October 2009

Sometimes






















Sometimes, heart could be in a square shape too.
Don't you think so?

Take care


Regardless everything,
nearly everyone knows,

life could be very hard to deal with at times.
Complex. Dynamic. And indeed full of lies.
However, mind you!
Certain things would be definitely good and even better if you could have an accompany or someone to overcome it with you.


Take care.

Monday, 12 October 2009

Current obsession


















1. I shall say that our days would definitely be better if we could find something that might distract us away from having a discontented feeling.

2.'Something' is a way too subjective to be defined since we have difference preferences among each other. So, basically, it really depends on an individual itself. Certain people might prefer to be soothed and persuaded with that way, but the others may not.

3. At the moment, I would refer 'something' to this Cafe World. Even though, it might work on me only for a short period but somehow, it manages to put the smiles on me. The characters of this game are so cute. =)

*Enjoying*

Sunday, 11 October 2009

Leave it aside.
overcome it.

swallow it.

Saturday, 10 October 2009

I'll be back. Promise.















Besides sorry, how I wish that I could find other precious word that I might utter to you.
My profoundest apology to you for being such a stuck-up one.
My profoundest apology to you for making you to worry about me.
I shall shallow all the bitterness now
and begin to knock the happiness.
Yes, I'll be back. Promise.

p.s: You may leave now, sadness...

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

worship it.

I am a person who never worship or even put an effort to know anything about Korean stuffs. Call me a beatniks, I know. I really miss out lotsa updates about them. But, it's not that I don't prefer to watch and to read their stuffs or whatever craps that it could be. It's just me trying to avoid myself not to have other new obsession that I know, I might waste my time with (since, I have an evident that numbers of my friends who never go to their bed before they manage to finish the whole episodes. lol!!)

But, tonight, this 6-minutes commercial is seriously touching me. The dialogues are cliche. The plot is cliche too. However, I just couldn't figure out why I love it so much. Haish. Anyway, spend your minutes to watch it, people. It's worth.

VERY SAD COMMERCIAL



video

p.s: There should be a subtitle in this video, but, I have no idea why it doesn't appear in it..

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Random entry : BEATNIKS.



I might choose to be a beatniks

if there was an urge.




The story continues...

Saturday, 3 October 2009

I'm so f***ed up


Kau mmg seriously bodoh kan?

or mmg you purposely makes yourself to look one?


p.s: I'm so f***ed up now!

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

rhetorical

Human beings like me could be so restless at times
Breathing with too many sighs in it.
What's that suppose to mean?
Could it be an indication to anything?
I wonder.

*sigh*

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

we can be better than ASS, don't we?

1. At times, I couldn't believe that human beings could be so stubborn at accepting the new facts. We are too complicated, too complex and so unpredictable at making sense of life. Being a failure at making a simple wise decision and also being too vain and judgmental at viewing stuffs, we are more than enough to characterized ourselves as an oblivious. Don't you think so? Here, I'm not trying to claim myself as smart, perfect or whatever craps that human beings could be. But still, we can be better than ASS, I guess

2. If you knew that your wife is a slut, so just treat her as a slut, man! Why the hell you have to be so innocent and so-called 'penyayang' by calling her 'babe', 'honey' or 'darl'? You know that she is hiding lotsa things that she has done, or perhaps, she will do with his bf. behind you. You know that she might have a plan to ditch you far away behind once she get settle down all her businesses with you. But, still, you are comforting yourself with this kind of feeling "I make her happy. She makes me happy and it works,". You are totally wrong, genius.

3. There are ways of how to be loyal to a woman, man. But, not in this way. 'Evil angel' is still an 'evil angel'. She won't change to be a fairy. Bear that in mind!

p.s: I'm just responding to one of the episodes of the series that I just watched. Guys could be stupid huh!

Sunday, 27 September 2009

* a short one *


* a short one *


I'm almost 'retarded' with my exhaustibility.
My eyes are so reddish and pedih.
My head is spinning heavily.
In fact, as I'm writing this entry, I actually could see how my limbs, fingers are shivering.
I know, it looks scary.

p.s: Hurm.. I really feel to talk to somebody tonight. But it seems that everyone is busy with their work. sigh....

Saturday, 26 September 2009

Hurm


Not only shit can happen,

miracle does happen too.

Thursday, 17 September 2009

He is testing me

This might be a way too hard for you kan? I know.
I could hear how bad you actually breath through your long-and-deep sighs.

I could feel how weak your heart is when your eyes start to bring the tears.
Sabar ok, zam.

God is testing you.

Sunday, 13 September 2009

Random thoughts

My neurons have been so random with my brain today. I suddenly popped out with some thoughts:

  • 'Penzahiran kebatinan' is really not an easy task to be done, but yet it's achievable if more efforts and 'doa' came into it.
  • Lacking at certain ordinary human qualities makes life to be so unfair to us. (such as good-looking, handsome, etc.) I know. But, f*** it! Don't you ever think that everyone deserves to breathe too?
  • I am indeed not a mental when I begin to deal with my unconsciousness.

Friday, 11 September 2009

a bit of tears


No matter how massive things could happen,
no one on this earth could ever change a fact that
you are always there in my heart.
No one can deny that and no one could doubt that!!
My first priority from the beginning till end.
Even though we might be far away from each other,
but there is no boundary that can stop me from praying hard for you.
For now, I just need you to be strong and sit still
as how once upon a time you were to be.
My friend told me that you are such a great fighter.
I know and I believe it, mak.
Get well soon tau.
I love you.
and I miss you. A lot.

*tears*

p.s: I'm sorry mum for not being on your side when you need me most.

Friday, 4 September 2009

RANDOM

I have to admit,
anything that matters to writing,
I won't be as good as how I do numbers.
I really, really have to struggle.

*sigh*

Oh Lord, plz help me.


*off to bed*

Thursday, 3 September 2009

I hate you


This is so uncool, man.

And definitely, hilarious.
Who the hell do think you are trying to do this at me? Threatening me?
I'm not intentionally to be mean or to hurt anybody's feeling.
But, tonight (as I'm writing this post, it's already 5.20am), I think that you are just too much than how you supposed to be.
You really go beyond my limit and obviously made me to feel sick of you..
You impressed me by forcing me to stay awake for the rest of my night.
WTH!!
I hate you, caffeine!!

p.s: Dammit!! I really need my sleep back.

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

Aku hanya mampu tersenyum.


Ia seperti baru sahaja berlaku tadi.
Aku

d
u
d
u
k,
Aku
me
li
hat,
aku
men
den
gar
dan aku cuba menghayati.
Namun, tiada satu yang berharga pun dapat ku beri.
Melainkan hanya perhatian dan sebuah senyuman.
Dalam aku menghayati, aku dapat merasakan.
Kalimah-kalimah yang diungkapkan itu cukup indah, cukup puitis.
Tetapi sayang,
hati ini pula terlalu lemah untuk memahami.
Mungkin aku perlukan sedikit masa untuk mengenali.
Aku masih lagi tersenyum, tetapi kali ini aku luaskan sedikit pemandanganku ini.

Melihat dikelilingi saudara-saudaraku yang mungkin berlainan gaya pemikirannya,
[entah apa sahaja yang difikirkannya]
Tetapi masih lagi berkongsi sebuah fahaman yang sama.
Aku mula mengerti.
Juga mula berhalusinasi.
Apakah ini yang dimaksudkan dengan "One lamp, one light,"?
Aku sendiri tidak pasti.

-The story continues-

Friday, 28 August 2009

=)


You cried,
and then you smiled.
After that,
you felt to cry again,
but then you smiled back.
Now??
Lets see.

=)

You are still smiling.

*smile*

p.s: remind me to buy the kinder bueno ok?

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

Playlist


Besides Too Phat, I have to admit that I'm so much into Coldplay. I am one of their die hard fans (Mati Susah Kipas) who can be so obsessed as no one has ever thought when it comes to Coldplay's genre. Seriously!! I never fail to keep 'Yellow', 'The Scientist' and 'Viva La Vida' playing throughout my stereo. (Rasanya Belinda dah kecewa dah kot. Hari2 dgr lagu yang same. Lol ). Tapi, itulah. It has been sort of routine for me to listen at those songs as I feel so 'cured' and somehow a bit inspired by listening at them. However, I just can't deny that there is also a period when I feel that I need to listen at something new. Not new as in 'New'. But something different than Coldplay.


Erm, sound like I have to alter a bit with my playlist.

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

*sigh*

Too much of drafts in my 'edit posts' tonight and I'm seriously sick of it. I really mean it. I'm so pissed off and I don't know why. Everything seems to be so wrong with me. I'm so helpless to figure out the reasons of why does it happen.


*sigh*


So, I finally came to post a collage. A combination of pictures which I think so cute but indeed meaningful.


(changing mood)



Monday, 24 August 2009

agreed.



It's better to be hated than being unwanted.
So be grateful!!...

It's pretty 'rough' for one who fails to comprehend it perfectly. But as a person, I have to agree with the line. *sigh*

p.s: Anyway, I have downloaded 'The Broken Wings by Kahlil Gibran'. Lets see when I can spend my times to read it.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009



Yeepii!
woohoo!! (This is so new... hehe)

I'm back alive. Yurp, I'm back to my virtual daily routine; facebooking, reading blogs, qut-ing (That was seriously a crap by simply naming a process of checking QUT email? LOL) and others . After been breathing nearly a day with no Internet connection, I'm now indeed so relieved, happy and definitely, super excited once that 'small earth' icon is started to appear on my laptop's screen. Man! It was really a torturing and abusing if I happened to rot in my room with no Internet connection. Seriously. Since you have no other better entertainment to be enjoyed.

Alright, I seem to have so much of things on my mind that I feel to blog. Seriously. I had a trip to a 'gifted' school today which I think could be wonderful if I can blog it here, I managed to talk with numbers of people which I was thought that they are 'tough', but actually funny and also some other good stuffs. Tapi, due to the fact that I have to wake up so early at tomorrow morning (which I really hate to do), so, I choose to blog them later... will be much better kan Haish...

Till then. I feel to go to my bed now. Wish me luck tomorrow. =)


Monday, 17 August 2009

...



I'm indeed so exhausted and drowsy now. My body is totally in pain, my mind is overly pressured and I'm just so restless. I have no reason of why is that so. Perhaps, it is because that I didn't get a sweet rest last night as usual. Yes, I went to bed quite early last night but unfortunately, I seemed to have a difficulty to sleep. Mcm ada je yang tak kena. My mind was just like being distracted rapidly by something which is not yet being settled. Erm...

Fair enough. I just know that I have lost my favourite ring. I don't know where I have placed it and seriously been looking for it since yesterday. The last time I saw it was when I took it out from my finger during the merdeka theater. and now, it's gone. Disappeared =(...

*sigh*


I guess, I should get a short nap now. Later.

Friday, 14 August 2009

H B, uncle.

















It's your birthday, man.

Time flies away so fast kan? When I called you yesterday and we talked with each other, you were still appeared fresh as my 45-year old uncle but today, at this minute, you are now walking as a 46-year old grown man. So, stay chill, stay cool, stay 'tough' and yeah, please do remain as a sarcastic one. haha... Sarcastic and Anuar Talib is never and ever been apart kan? Lol. I know. If you were here, you might simply attack me 'cynical gila!!'... haha But this time, I didn't. I'm not being cynical pon. Come on, I am a grown man now. Stop from being just so skeptical at me. Pretentiousness could be a good policy at times. =)Oh yes, I just miss your sarcastic jokes, man.Seriously. I miss the way of how you tease me, how you swear at me. I miss them.Yes, I have to admit. It does hurt to be heard sometimes what more if it came from someone that you close with. But somehow, I feel that you are just super inspired me. Inspiring me to be more responsible, more disciplined and yeah in short you teach me about the definition life.

Today,
I'm so sorry for not being on your side like I always do. My thousands apologies for not being able to accompany you to have few cups of tea and roti bakar as what we always do every year. It's pretty dull kan without my presence? Itu lah, suka mengejek azan lagi. Now u deserve it... haha...I know, how much you miss your this particular pathetic nephew. Mum told. Jangan nak berlagak stern lagi or even to act macho as if you didn't have any sense of feeling. haha... I miss you too, uncle.

Remember that, no matter how far we have been apart, do know that my love for you never decrease. When dad is away, besides mum, you are always the one that I share with. I know that I always can count on you. Perhaps, that happens because I have been so close to you since I was small.

Ok, cukuplah tu. Happy birthday, uncle Anuar.
May the blesses of Him remain on you.
Insya-Allah...

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

That's it


B
E
I
N
G

O
V
E
R
L
Y

S
E
N
S
I
T
I
V
E


I totally hate to be fooled. That's it

Indah dan bulan itu langsung tiada kena-mengena



Adakalanya indah itu tidak semesti indah,
walaupun ramai yang kata indah itu selalu indah.
Aku langsung tidak setuju.

Adakalanya indah itu tidak semesti INDAH,
walaupun ramai juga yang kata indah itu selalu INDAH.
Aku masih lagi tidak setuju.

Adakalanya indah itu tidak semesti I.n.D.a.H.
walaupun ramai lagi yang masih kata indah itu selalu I.n.D.a.H.
Aku tetap tidak setuju.

*sigh*

Pelikkan?
Kalau begitu, kenapa perlunya terma indah itu kalau ianya tidak indah.
Kan lebih baik sahaja terluka atau bersedih sahaja, pasti akan 'indah' juga.
Kali ini aku pasti bersetuju. Betul.


p.s.: Percayalah, indah, INDAH dan I.n.D.a.H. itu mempunyai jurang perbezaan dari segi makna konotasinya. dan juga, indah dan bulan itu memang langsung tiada kena mengena... percayalah.

Sunday, 9 August 2009

Alright, random pictures:

Alright, random pictures, people:



Phew! At last, I managed to produce at least one, a so-called 'copyright' poster. Sorry Paula, I still in love with my Picasa and Adobe rather than using that bloody Inkscape. Pretty tough, indeed!...



Well, 3bucks wasted today. That particular moron dryer machine seemed to be a bit rigid with me today which at the end cause a crowd in my room. Heck!


Tapi, gembira.... Ada water bottle baru. Cantik. Teruja. Terima kasih kepada dia...

Friday, 7 August 2009

'Weird' starts to work for me



Reflection or Muhasabah, a cognitive process which seems to be so near and never been apart from us as human beings. It is indeed a way of complicated recalling business which people might only comprehend the concept by doing and experiencing it. Remembering, revealing and sort of a quick evaluating all the good and bad deeds that we have done before. Some people may believe that it's just unnecessary and lousy thing to be done and also, there are a bunch of them who always keep giving the excuses for a sake only not to experience reflection.

*Ok, Im crapped*


Alright. Jo could be true. Somehow, I need to agree that I might just have a bit of problem at expressing the ideas (Perhaps, this also might apply on certain emotional issues that I always fail to deal with). I tend to drag things far over which most probably might end me up to get lost somewhere. Erm... maybe, it's just a nature of me that I can't run from. OK, it's pretty simple and short but yet still rhetorical. I have recently discovered few things which I can feel that I'm now slowly heading to be. It's indeed slightly awkward when 'Weird' starts to work for me. I don't know why and I'm just clueless about it.


1. I'm no longer a magical dreamer which I used to be.
2. My level of emotional sensitivity goes increase gradually. (such as offensive, jealousy etc.)
3. I have a range of emotional challenges which I sometimes fail to deal with
4. My IQ level somehow decreases. (It's not scientifically proven but I just have a feeling of it)
5. I'm more passive and quieter than as I am before.
6. I'm losing my 'intrapersonal' skills.
7. I'm losing my'wise'self.

Sunday, 2 August 2009

paid to Izzy and Mejah.


















Nama :
Mohd Zamri bin Azmi

Nama Pangilan : zam, zamzam.

Tarikh lahir : 21/01/1988

tempat lahir : Hospital Besar Batu Pahat, Johor.

Status : status ape ni Mejah! (kata2 cik Izzy digunakan)

Hobi : Saya suka membaca. Poyo kan saya?...

Makanan kegemaran : Saya suka rendang.

Minuman kegemaran : Apa-apa pun boleh.

Cita- cita : Dahulunya saya bercita-cita hendak menjadi seorang jurutera. Akan tetapi, atas sebab-sebab tertentu yang tidak dapat dielakkan, saya sedang berusaha untuk menyempurnakan ijazah pendidikan saya didalam TESOL.

pengalaman buruk : Saya pernah hilang kasut North star disekolah ketika berusia 8 tahun. Sedih tau. Mak sangat marah pada masa tu.

Pengalaman manis : banyak.

Perkara yang disukai : Apa-apa sahaja yang boleh menghiburkan hati saya.

Perkara yang tak disukai : Susah ni.

adakah anda berpuas hati dengan apa yang anda ada? : Ya saya. Saya bersyukur dgn apa yang saya ada. Walaupun banyak kekurangannya, tapi Insya-Allah pasti akan ada hikmahnya.

Harapan : Saya berharap... ntahlah.


p.s.: Saya rasa saya terlalu banyak menggunakan ayat-ayat skema yang menyebabkan diri saya ini berbaur ala-ala poyo. Maafkan saya kepada semua pembaca. =). Tetapi, sebelum itu, saya mahu meng'tag' beberapa orang sahabat saya. Antaranya ialah Khirol, Syikin bersama kekasihnya Adzuan, Ili, Irrina dan yang terakhir sekali Zaty (Semoga anda cepat sehat)

Sunday, 26 July 2009

I'm losing my coolness?


ZAM =THE ONLY CHILD = SHOGI
[We merely share the same wavelength]

The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:40:01 PM): and too much of sadness also will somehow make u fail to define the happiness.
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:40:55 PM): indeed...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:41:17 PM): so just be happy lah as much as u can~
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:41:24 PM): how u doin thr zam??
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:41:43 PM): not that good, I guess...
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:41:49 PM): dammit
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:42:04 PM): ayo...wat happen bro??
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:42:17 PM): chill chill
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:42:28 PM): ntahlah... I just feel so distorted.. lol.
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:42:47 PM): I'm losing my 'coolness'...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:43:08 PM): dats one thing about u i respect u d most...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:43:15 PM): how u manage to keep urslf calm...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:43:25 PM): in times of high tidal waves...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:43:34 PM): pls dun lose dat bro....
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:43:49 PM): did u resort to suplicating towards God...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:43:52 PM): pray~
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:44:04 PM): always, shog...
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:45:09 PM): There are always ups and downs in life... and I guess, this is a time where life really screws me up...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:45:33 PM): it cldnt be dat bad bro~
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:45:52 PM): coz we are all growing in times like dis....
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:46:14 PM): do u feel comfortable telling me wats going on?
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:46:21 PM): i dun mind if u're not....no wories
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:47:40 PM): haha... No worries, my man. I'll be alright soon. It's
just, yeah, pretty tough to retrieve back your own sweet faith which you used to have...
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:48:11 PM): and I guess, time will heal it later....
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:48:28 PM): it sure will...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:48:46 PM): n wen u look bck, u will definitely thank God
for putting u in that test...
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:49:00 PM): yurp... definitely.
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:49:03 PM): coz we all kno dat God test those he loves..
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:49:12 PM): He loves u bro...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:49:31 PM): so wateva problem it is dats botherin u...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:49:45 PM): give it some time n space....
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:50:04 PM): showforth d kind of person dat i kno u are...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:50:14 PM): n in no time u wld be feelin as bck to normal..
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:50:21 PM): i hv faith in u for dat...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:50:25 PM):
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:50:41 PM): Thanx, mate.
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:51:01 PM): That 's so much, yeah, wonderful...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:51:11 PM): nah..dun mention...
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:51:23 PM): I owe you man..
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:51:26 PM):
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:51:31 PM): u dun owe me anything..shhh
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:51:34 PM): haha
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:52:19 PM): u found a job yet?
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:52:32 PM): maybe it cld help u keep ur mind occupied...
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:53:32 PM): haha... I hv been trying to distract myself from time to time... it works, but somehow, it applies on me temporarily....
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:54:24 PM): myself really need more times to find his old friend,
my'old-wise'self.
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:54:44 PM): sound mental huh?..
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:54:45 PM): haha
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:54:47 PM): yeah, i think at times i feel d way u feel...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:54:58 PM): d old me sumtimes goes missing
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:55:13 PM): wen i want d old me to be present i simply cant b dat way...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:55:20 PM): so i resort to sumtin new...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:55:28 PM): which im not totally happy wit d outcome...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:55:35 PM): but i just feel bad of myslf...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:55:49 PM): not mental bro....no its not
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:56:21 PM): i dont kno if u've watched dis video earlier...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:56:28 PM): thought might jz recomend to u~
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:56:35 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0v3d6SFcDys
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:56:36 PM): yeah, sure..
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:57:20 PM): I have been watching it for quite few times... and I
simply love it..
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:57:27 PM): it's very much soothing...
The Z A M (26/7/2009 2:57:33 PM): yeah, the melodies..
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:57:58 PM): true enuf...i've been addicted to it...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:58:07 PM): im glad...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:58:24 PM): neway bro...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:58:56 PM): just so u kno dat we might not chat as often as we use to....
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:59:08 PM): but it doesnt mean i've forgotten u or anything...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:59:13 PM): if u need me....
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:59:19 PM): anytime bro...just let me kno...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:59:25 PM): im all ears for u~
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:59:49 PM): n rmbr, u dun hv to go tru each challenging moments in life alone...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:59:54 PM): jz let me kno...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 2:59:58 PM): n we go tru together...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:00:07 PM): no wories bro~
The Z A M (26/7/2009 3:01:43 PM): Thanx, pal. Same goes over here. If you need someone to talk with, i'll be here... I wont charge (This is very much a pick-up line for a girl la, macha). lol....
The Z A M (26/7/2009 3:01:52 PM): haha, but yeah, I meant it
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:02:22 PM): haha...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:02:30 PM): btr make sure u dun charge..
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:02:35 PM): thxs bro~
The Z A M (26/7/2009 3:02:43 PM): no biggies...
The Z A M (26/7/2009 3:02:46 PM):
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:02:59 PM): no biggies aye~
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:03:01 PM): haha
The Z A M (26/7/2009 3:03:11 PM): word of the day huh?...
The Z A M (26/7/2009 3:03:12 PM): haha
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:03:36 PM): yeah...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:03:48 PM): sound like eng teacher ade so fast...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:03:52 PM): good on u~
The Z A M (26/7/2009 3:05:03 PM): haha.... life is not only about the accumulation of
knowledge, macha.. but it is more to a movement from moment to another moment.. bear that in mind..
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:05:34 PM): hmmm...
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:05:38 PM): dats more like it~
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:05:46 PM): very true bro...
The Z A M (26/7/2009 3:05:58 PM):
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:06:00 PM): bearing it~
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:06:10 PM): so deep....so profound~
Shogi Hamannop (26/7/2009 3:06:14 PM): i like!

Saturday, 25 July 2009

Monolog Dalaman (somber+) PART 3


1.26AM

Malam ini seperti tidak tentu rasa, tidak tentu hala. Entah mengapa. Termenung sahaja dari tadi dan juga melayang-layang kemana-mana. Kemana-mana yang kemana-mana.

"Mahu bermonolog dalaman lagi ke zam malam ini?"

"Tidak perlu kot. Mata sudah agak mengantuk. Tetapi, ya, hati tetap memaksa untuk berjaga,"

"Kamu nampak resah sahaja?"

*sigh*


Lupakan sahajalah. Mak kata 'kalau ikut hati, nanti mati'.


"Mati? Hati? Hati dan mati?"

"Ada kena mengena ke?"

*Dahiku berkerut*


Entahlah. Walaupun aku rasa perumpaanya hanyalah sekadar untuk memenuhi 'rhyme' semata-mata, tetapi somehow, mungkin ada rasionalnya juga mengapa ia diluah dengan sebegitu rupa. Aku sentiasa percaya yang 'petua' itu sentiasa berada ditempat kedua selepas ilmu. Ilmu, petua dan kemudian diikuti dengan amalan.

Baiklah, aku sudah mula merasakan yang aku sudah 'meraban'. Tetapi tidak kesahlah. Tiada siapa pun yang akan ambil peduli. Erm, sudah lama aku tidak ke 'woolies' pada2 waktu begini. Mungkin benches disana merinduiku. Pergi dulu.
Goodnight.

*sedih, sunyi. bersama telefon bimbit.*

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

....-....


UN-...

DIS-...



Erm, goodnite.

Monday, 20 July 2009

Return me back to my'old-wise'self [FIX ME]



video



1. I used to lean my head on my mum's thighs when I guess I really need a person to talk with. Both of us did talk, did share and not to forget we also sometimes did exchange with each other about the happiness, the depression and as well as the reasons of both our tears. It was so lovely you know. When you really can have someone who never and ever grumble at listening and what more, to understand to each of our utterance. I have to admit. Talking to my mum has somehow made me to feel relieve and motivate to continue my steps ahead. Maybe, that is what we called 'chemistry'. A strong bonding that is indirectly built regardless any inch of facade or I shall say a 'boundary' in order to provide us to love with each other.

2. Tonight seems to be unpleasant. I merely fail to deal with my own cognition which I believe slightly rare to happen. A disagreement between my emotion and my self-intuition is started to appear. As I am trying to stand, I keep falling again. As I am trying to breath, something is just choking back my neck. Maybe this is what will happen when our heart begins to speak. I'm trying to be careless, I'm trying to hang out more but somehow I feel that I'm just lacking a courage to do it. When mum is far away at home, I guess the only one that I can talk with is 'her', my confidante.

3. Well, don't ever get me wrong, friends. You guys know how wonderful I am to have each of you to be in my circle of friends which I really can count on. A bunch of priceless brothers and sisters who never and ever fail to make me smile, to cheer me up and to make me day to be even better. And you also know how am I willing to sacrifice myself just to make the same things back to everyone of you. But, sometimes, I guess, I just need someone who can simply comprehend my standard of wavelength. Someone who can actually predict of what I am thinking and going to say next. So, I did look for her and somehow I tried to talk (We talked abit). Tapi, throughout the conversation, I know how busy was she trying to settle down some works tonight and I also well comprehend with sort of dilemma that she is facing now. Even though, she was trying deny about it, but still, I know (I'm sorry if I did disturb you). So, I chose to stop.

4. I guess, I have been too sensitive lately. I don't know why and I just still can't figure out the reason of why I behave so. The rhetorical is not answered or maybe not yet. When I started to think back, I feel that somehow I'm just losing my old self. Being overly sensitive, easily to get offended and few other qualities which I guess not supposed belong to me . It's definitely strange when I discovered myself not as stronger as before. The strength is disappeared or perhaps, it went missing somewhere. There are just too many denying remarks on me. Seriously. For the God sake, I really hate of my current self. Call me 'an ungrateful being'. I guess, I deserve for it. Tapi, percayalah. I have been trying for so long and in fact I am still giving my best try to retrieve my own sweet faith which I used to have on myself.


I really need a light to guide me back.
and please, I beg to return me back to my'old-wise'self. Please.

Saturday, 18 July 2009

When Wallabies stop to hop.







VS






Hell yeah! That was a sweet revenge, I shall say. Seriously. Both All Blacks and Wallabies teams played fantabulous well last night. However, having an advantage to live from Auckland, The Kiwis simply bite The Aussies with a score 22-16 (No worries, mates. We can perform much better in a next game). Victory to All blacks!

Thursday, 16 July 2009

Seriously! I'm so a mess















Tonight,

the feeling is so random.
Blur, empty, empty empty and blur.
Somehow, I feel that it keeps pushing me.
Discontented. restless.
Maybe writing might help. At least a bit.

But, again, somehow the ideas seem to be rigid with me.
I don't know why.
I'm covered with a sudden feeling of 'plainly zero'.

which also leads me to the emotion of emptiness.

I know. The urge is still there,
but I'm sorry. I just can't satisfy it.

Seriously! I'm so a mess.
I don't know why.
Tell me the reason if you had one.

*sedih, sunyi. bersama telefon bimbit.*

Monday, 13 July 2009

Monolog dalaman (somber+) PART 2


Alright.

Part 2!

Sekali lagi kita mulakan. Kali ini sedikit bersungguh dan juga lebih bersemangat tapi pasti ringkas. Itulah plan untuk malam ni. Cuba bermonolog dalaman dengan apa yang patut (Sekali lagi) Kerasaan runsing dan sedikit kecewa.


"Ye sedikit sahaja," *Hati cuba menafikan*



Dalam post ini, perkataan-perkataan yang berbaur Bahasa Melayu akan diterapkan secara wisely dan juga tidak dilupakan kepada English. Tujuannya, supaya ia neutral. Neutral dalam erti kata cuba mengimbangkan the use of English and as well as the application of Bahasa Malaysia.

Alright, part 1 (which refers to the previous post) seems to be fine, not really flunk, funny a bit and somehow sound little 'menyeramkan' as claimed by a friend of mine. Kelihatan sedikit 'awkward' tapi agak 'relieve'. Simple, persis, jitu dan juga agak gabrah (Terlupa. Benarkah itu ejaannya?).

Baiklah. Local time 8.00 am(Waktu Brisbane). Pagi hari ini bermula dengan sedikit gembira. Walaupun sepi, tetapi masih juga sedikit gembira. Mission 'Pursuit of a bit of happiness' was accomplished. Tears were being shed. A bit. Little. Sampai sahaja dibilik itu. Tersentuh mendengar suara-suara riang dan juga cuba untuk mencari ruang untuk bergelak bersama. Indah rupanya hidup ini. Kan? Thank alot to Steven, Angel, Anneth and yeah, Cliff. Budak-budak Hongkong yang cukup mesra, bergaya dan hyperactive (merujuk kepada Angel).


Steven: Do you eat frog, zam?


Zam: Erk, you mean frog as in 'Frog'...?

Steven: Yeah, Frog!! The brown ones. The ones that can jump.

Zam: Owh, No. It looks exotic, man. Seriously.

Steven: Haha. Indeed. But, yeah, I have tried.

Zam: haha.. All right.


See, bergayakan Steven ni. Sudah kukatakan kepada kalian. Gara-gara frog itu, we managed to pick up the conversation until the end. Tiba-tiba aku rasa. Sebenarnya dah lama rasa. Being someone who has a belief of cultural relativism is always good. Percayalah. Madam Tan Aig Bee pun percaya juga. Walaupun kadang-kadang Madam Caroline kelihatan tidak percaya. Tetapi, sebenarnya dia percaya. (Gosh, I miss her alot seriously)

Berpuasa hari ini. Alhamdulilah. Rejab sentiasa diingati. Cuba melaksanakan sebaik yang mungkin. Cuba merapatkan diri kepada-Nya sedaya-upaya. Insya-Allah. Walau 'buka' nya tidak sehebat mana, tapi nikmatnya tidak terkira. Bahagia. Janji-Nya tidak pernah pudar kepada hambanya. Thank you, Allah.

11.30pm. Rasa masih tidak sempurna. Benar. Missing something. Serius.


"Mandi?"

"Dah..."

"Erm... Mungkin kerana sebab... Erm. Tidak mengapa. Biarkan sahaja,"


Ya. Biarkan sahaja. Maybe, you really need a sweet rest, mate.


*sedih, sunyi. bersama telefon bimbit.*

Sunday, 12 July 2009

Monolog Dalaman [ somber+]

Baik.
Mari bermula...

Perjalanan hari ini sama seperti semalam. Kalau hendak diki....


*hati menyampuk*

"Sapa kata? Lainlah,"


*menyampuk lagi*

"Sayaaaaa!!,"


*terus menyampuk*

"Eh, taklah...,"


*sekali lagi menyampuk*

"Ye, seperti semalam. Haish..!,"

Ok, maybe tidak seserupa semalam., tapi still perasaan 'boring' itu masih ada hingga hari ni. Kukuh. Mantap. Teguh. Tambah-tambah lagi, apabila ditemani dgn sedikit movies dan juga lebih sedikit rentak 'Celine Dion'. Rancak. Walaupun dimainkan berkali2, tapi tiada perasaan benci. Malah, semakin menghayati. Itu lah aku.

"Ish, anehnya," herdik kawan ku.

Tapi, sekejap. Ada aku peduli! Aku rasa muzik itu cukup menghiburkan hati. Lontarkan sahaja apa2 melodi, DNA diri ini tetap menghormati. Taktala, sedih sedang menguasai, 'The Scientist' bersedia untuk mengubati. Seolah-olah membawa diri ini keawang-awangan. Bukan 'sober', tapi lupa sekejap. Untuk meng'reflect' apa yang perlu. Haish. (Sudah dua kali aku guna perkataan ini, tapi aku sendiri tidak faham apa tujuannya). Tidak mengapa. Mak sering berkata;

"Tidak semua benda itu perlukan penjelasan, percayalah"


Rasa hendak ketawa. Tapi benar juga kataya. Bila aku memikirkan ia semula, rasional itu sentiasa ada
. Hati ini mula bersetuju dengannya. Mum is such an amazing being kan?
She is not a noun, but a verb. Walaupun, kadang-kadang aku rasa, kita terlupakan dia. Tapi, doanya tidak pernah jauh dari kita. Dan walaupun kadang-kadang aku rasa kita pernah menipu dia for certain purposes. Tapi, aku percaya. Kita pasti tidak sengaja. Dan aku juga percaya yang mereka diluar percaya dgn apa yg aku percaya.

"Benarkan?"

"Haish." (Sudah tiga kali dah).

Hari ini, aku tidak tahu mengapa. Sedikit pelik. Tiba-tiba aku merasakan menolog dalaman itu cukup membantu. Atau dengan lebih mudahnya, cuba mezahirkan suara hati. Walaupun berbaur ala-ala 'bongok', tapi aku rasa ia ikhlas.


"Ah, sudahlah. Sampai disini sahaja,"


*sedih, sunyi. bersama telefon bimbit.*

Thursday, 9 July 2009

Today is unlike yesterday


It was so yesterday.
When I feel I was being fulfilled again.
When I feel my emptiness walked far away from me.
When I happened to find my way back to home.
Invited by a cheerful laughter,
guided by a bit of cheeky and nasty jokes,
circled by a chemistry of happiness
and definitely breathing with layers of confident.
Lovely.

But today,
I wonder why it is slightly different
It seems to be not yesterday.
The same laughter, the same jokes, the same happiness.
Disappeared. No more.
Perhaps, because they already went away.
Perhaps, because they are now at somewhere else.
I know that I'm back to my old routine
When emptiness starts to knock a door again.
When Loneliness begins to be on the sides again.
sickening? Not really. I am living with it.
For real.

p.s: Have a sweet hols in Sydney, my NZ friends. And, also not to forget, , all the best for you in NCG!

Sunday, 5 July 2009

and I did.

Here are ten facts
1. You're reading this first sentence.
2. Now you're saying/thinking that's a stupid fact.
4. You didn't notice that i skipped 3.
5. You're checking it now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading my comment.
8. You know all you have read is true.
10. You didn't notice that i skipped 9.
11. You're checking it now.
12. You didn't notice that this is really really lame cos everyone is doing it

Copy and paste this,
tomorrow will be your best day ever! no matter what

p/s: It's not a waste of giving at least a try kan, syafa. and I did...

Saturday, 4 July 2009

Ia tetap serupa.

"Ingatlah! Walau apa pun yang terjadi, janganlah kita menggadaikan maruah. Janganlah kita meninggalkan solat," (Nurkasih, 2009)


Nasihat itu tetap serupa kan?
Walaupun ia tidak sehebat mana.
Walaupun ia tidak sedahsyat mana.
Tetapi, penyusunannya cukup bermakna.
Tatatertibnya cukup bersahaja.
Malah intipatinya pula sentiasa mulia.
Apa yang tidak dapat dinafikan,
sering juga diri ini terasa bosan,
mendengar kata-kata yang berbaur konservatif.
Tetapi itulah yang perlu diterapkan.
'Fundamental' yang perlu sentiasa dikuatkan.

Hari ini,
ia masih lagi serupa.
Walaupun jarak menghadkan pertemuan,
tetapi datangnya tetap dari arah yang sama.
Bermula dari seorang ibu,
dan mungkin berakhir dari seorang bapa.
Yang senantiasa mengingatkan kita.
Yang senantiasa me'refresh'kan kita.
Tanpa melihat satu pun batasan masa.

Walau kemana kita pergi

Walau dari mana kita datang.
Setiap peringatannya tetap di hati.
Walaupun pernah terlepas sekali.
Walaupun pernah terlepas dua kali.
Atau mungkin juga berkali-kali.

Tetapi, hakikatnya nasihat itu tetap di hati.
Tetap bersemadi di dalam diri.
Itulah yang dipanggil sebuah janji.

-The Z A M-
7.17PM