But You Are Not There

I was tagged by a friend of mine for this piece of writing. Sweet, romantic, soothing.... Every choice of word seems to be wonderful as it voices the emotion of a writer.

I am walking alone in the street
Many people I don’t know using the same street too
They walk in the same direction like me
And some of them walking in the opposite direction

I wish you are waiting for me on the hill
But you are not there
Everyday I stop there
Searching for a sign of you
But you are not there
Then I walk away from there
But I’m still look back
And I realize
You are not there

I take a deep breath
And close my eyes
This is the only way I can see you
But when I open my eyes
You disappeared
You are gone

I held my tears to come out
Made a fake smile to my friends
Or look the other way
But deep in my heart
There is a rainy season

Everyday I try to find you
I did the same thing to find you
But I still can’t find you anywhere
Because you are not there
FYI, I will not give up to find you

The Miracle of Tears

He might be an orphanage,
when he talks about 'the miracle of tears'.
He might be lame,
when he talks about 'the miracle of tears'.
The notion of 'The miracle of tears'
which is a wonderful gift awarded to everyone,
by Him.

It's too mysterious,
on how 'the miracle of tears'. works,
when
soul will always be paid off with calmness,
It's too inexplicable,
on how 'the miracle of tears' works,
when
soul will always be paid off with sooth,
It's too unexplainable,
on how 'the miracle of tears' works,
when
once 'the miracle of tears' come to stream down on a face,

He sees of how,
'the miracle of tears' fly away
with all the discontented feeling.
He witnesses of how,
'the miracle of tears' shed away
all the sadness and depression,
also,
He stares of how ,
'the miracle of tears' curve a smile,
with a hope of happiness.

That's how 'the miracle of tears' is fated to be
with us...

I'm sorry for not being on your side on your big day.

Life of a child,
could be empty with no presence of you.

Life of a child,
could be gloomy with no laughter and smiles of you.

Life of a child,
could be ominous with no confidence of you.


Mum,

Thank you very much,
for always being my confidante.

Thank you very much,
for always being no regret to be on my side.

Thank you very much,
for not hesitating to share your love with me.

and thank you very much,
for raising up your son yg 'degil' ni... =)

Happy Birthday, mak. May the blesses of Allah remain on you. Insya-Allah.

Shall he asks 'ARE YOU OK?'

Shall he asks 'ARE YOU OK?'
when he knows,
one is losing a smile over there.

Shall he asks 'ARE YOU OK?'
when he knows,
one is turning to be unusual over there.

Shall he asks 'ARE YOU OK?'
when he knows,
one is walking alone over there.

Shall he asks 'ARE YOU OK?'
when he knows,
one is trying to shade the dull tears over there.

Shall he asks 'ARE YOU OK?'
when he knows,
one is...

a face of my mum

As I was revising my notes, tibe2 je a face of my mum came to appear. Well, it is not really funny to happen when a son is being so far from his mum for quite ages. In a matter, when you need inspiration, she'll always there to be your confidante. In a matter, when you need someone to 'pujuk' with, she'll aways there with no exemption. sigh...

I still remember her last few words before I left to Brisbane:
Very typical, but they are so precious...

- Jangan tinggalkan solat kerana itulah pendinding hidup kita, azan.
- Selalu berdoa disana kerana hanya Dia sahaja yang mengetahui apa yang kita perlukan.
- Kalau rasa marah atau sedih, diam sahaja.
- Kalau rasa perlu menangis, menangis lah. Mak tahu, azan suka simpan alot of 'things' dalam diri azan. (She knows me alot)
- Jaga diri dan kawan-kawan dekat sana.
- Belajar rajin-rajin.

Thanx alot, mum. Thanx.

p/s: Her birthday is coming up. I shall get an appreciation for her....

Thank you, Jo.

Yesterday was a bit inspirational.
Talking to Jo (my cohort coordinator) reminds me a lot to my mum.
The way she talked,
the way she giggled,
the way she smiled,
She was merely the same like mum.
Erm...
I'm not homesick but somehow I felt that,
I was back to my usual routine sitting and talking to 'emak'
It was so soothing and calming.
Every single breath seemed to be accompanied by a confidence.
Thanx Jo for all the words.
Thanx Jo for not being reluctant of spending an hour to talk with your 'son'.
and yeah...
'Back to be more competitive'... I'll take it into consideration.
Thank you again, Jo.

* missing *

This happens,
when the winds keep blowing over there,
when Coldplay keeps stereo-ing over here
but, still,
he is over here,
sitting tightly,
thinking deeply,
pondering actively,
with questions which at the end,
will be rhetorical to him.
What a weird life!!


This also happens
when the winds keep blowing over there,
when P.Ramlee is stereo-ing over here,
few important faces keep glancing in front of the eyes,
his priorities,
his strengths,
his inspirational,
his everything.
*missing*

I'm sorry

To 'someone' that I concern most,
I'm sorry.... =(

I lost it.

This happened.
counted the stars,
looked up to the sky,
smirked to a moon
and
erm...
dropped the unexplainable tears.

I really lost my strength. I really lost it.

This is very often to happen when;

One fails to realize,
In a minute, he or she can make a person to curve a smile .

One fails to realize,
In a minute, he or she can turn a person to forget the sadness.

One fails to realize,
In a minute, he or she can enhance a person to be more 'chillax'.

One fails to realize,
In a minute, he or she can change a person to gloom with the tears.

Happiness

happiness,
is found from the imperfections we endure happiness ,
is not necessarily the most beautiful life has to offer,
its a matter of accepting and not judging...

as long as God say 'yes' to you, so, you should not stop breathing then.

This happened in last few days when I had a crappy conversation with one my good buddies. It was a very late night of Sunday when I was awake. I was suddenly shocked with a call from him. So, lets call him as 'x'...

x: Life seems to be funny kan when you are just strong enough to face anything, but still it screws you up...

me: haha... Yeah, very odd but that's the beauty of life... and I'm still living with it... No matter how up and how down of it...

x: Erm, but,for how long we should be living with it, zam?... I'm getting exhausted of it.

me: Well, as long as God say 'yes' to you, so, you should not stop breathing then... Keep moving.

x: breathing?... sound interesting. So, tell me more on how we should 'breathe', zam?

me: haha... Now, you really sound so funny, mate...

x: haha... indeed. seriously, zam.

me: Well, let your wills spoken on behalf you. Let your heart cries by itself... and let your tears hold tightly on the sides. Insya-Allah, you'll be fine.

x: Hahaha.... You never change, dude... Still the same person , still the same human as how I know

me: Well, I am, buddy. No matter where I am placed, no matter how I am being called... I am still the same person as how everyone knows... I still keep all the things behind my smile...

x: Erm, be strong enough, dude... My prayers are for you. always.

me: Haha. Thanx, mate. Im cool here. Kau tu yg jg diri. ok?...

Live happy? Tell me more about it.

He might appear to be absurd,
but he is still aware enough to understand the concept of life.

He might appear to be pointless,
but he is still aware enough to have a belief or opinion about things.

He might appear to be vain,
but he is still aware enough to understand the bleeding of people.

He might appear to be senseless,
but he is still aware enough to know the feeling of hurt whenever people hurts him.

He might appear to be so whatever people called him,
but remember,
he is still aware enough to rationalize the reason of the tears.

Love story

I have been recently listening to this particular song.
Being hypnotized...
It is just too soothing...
Too calming...
and also,
The words are too meaningful...

Breathing...

Life concerns very much alot with the concept of imperfections...

At times,
I feel
I may appear to be so pathetic,
when people start to ignore me.

At times,
I feel,
I may appear to be so wretched,
when people start not to notice me.

At times,
I feel,
I may appear to be so dismal,
when people start to forget about me.


but,
as mentioned earlier,
Life is too full of imperfections.

At times, life can simply be unfair to us.
so,
Living with it.
Breathing with it.
and have a sweet faith on it

...

Give him these ample times,
He will promise of making changes...

Give him these ample times,
He will promise of rationalizing about things that happen...

Give him these ample times,
He will promise of making people smile...

Give him these ample times,
He will promise of concerning people...

Give him these ample times,
He will promise of praying for everyone...

Give him these ample times,
He will promise of making a good use of it...

and

Give him these ample times,
He will promise of trying the best to shed the tears...

Oh Lord,
Just give him these ample times,
He will cherish to the fullest of it.

Berilkanlah aku kekuatan itu...

wahai tuhan
berilah aku kekuatan
berilah aku kesabaran
berilah aku jln keluar dr setiap masalah yg mbelenggu fikiran
berilah aku ilham ke jalan yg bijaksana utk mberi yg terbaik dlm setiap yg aku usahakn
kepada Mu aku meminta
dan kepada Mu aku kembali
.amin.

I never forget about it...

Mum,

Life nowadays seems to be unfair with me,
But I never forget to remember how precious you are...

Life nowadays seems to be unfair with me,
But I never forget to feel the warmth of you

Life nowadays seems to be unfair with me,
But I never forget to send my prayers for you...

Life nowadays seems to be unfair with me,
But I never forget to remember a day of you today...

Happy Mother's Day, mak...
May the blesses of Allah remain you. Insya-Allah...
Take care.

For so long, I just can't figure out the reason of why...

For so long,
I just can't figure out the reason of why:

People have been laughing at me,
when I said I need the inspirations...

For so long,
I just can't figure out the reason of why:

People have been laughing at me,
when I said I really need a bit of laughter...

For so long,
I just can't figure out the reason of why:

People have been laughing at me
when I said I miss the way of how I drop the tears...

still,
For so long,
I just can't figure out the reason of why:

People have been laughing at me,
when I said I need the strengths of yours...

Perspectives of shit

Yes, vimal...! I manage to find this poster without spending any buck.... lol!! So people, take a minute to read it. It might be in a small size, but yeah... you have an alternative by zooming it... =) Enjoy.

Choice is given to us

There was a night when I seriously wasn’t able to have a proper sleep… Rs penat sgt coz during the day, I did few stuffs for my uncle regarding his works… tp ntahlah.. That night was not usual the nights before.. everything was mcm not really comforting me.. n there was a point when all of sudden, lotsa things really bombarded me n honestly, it was distracted..

Naik pening kepala aku n at that moment, few msgs were coming in. Biaselah tuh kan… n one of them was from my close buddy… He was slightly bizarre on that particular night. Sound Very much depressed and at the same time, aku rs dier ni mcm a person that I never met before… Basically discussion was about something yg serious pon. It is more to crappy. Crappy in a sense where everyone will think about it but never have a courage to raise up the issue… So, lets called him as ‘DONG’…

DONG : There are times when people start noticing that he shouldnt have done what he has done. Knowing the fact that it’ll affect the others, he’ll tend to set it off. but he doesnt realize that by setting it off, it’ll might affect others, eventually… but, how should he be? Being in silence? Afraid of his done might affect others? or juz stay it out loud? Letting what is inside being fully outside? Ignore whether it might hurt others? I don’t know… It’s your choice.. You make your own sandwich… or maybe i just talking crap because my ‘pilot’ up here us not in a good mood… I don’t know… You decide… It’s probably because people keep talking in order to keep their voice box in order in case thet have something important to say… Nah, I don’t know.. You decide… Things are sometimes hard to understand, aren’t they?

ME: Wow…! I like the choice of words. Simple, but it comes with a package of deep meaning.

DONG: And from the deep heart too… Like the deep ocean… Dark, mysterious and hard to understand…….. Why do God give humans such heart? It’s rhetorical…

ME: Yeah2… That’s the beauty of Him, The Almighty. He creates, He teaches n he ponders us with few quest. marks..!

DONG: and it’s lucky 4 those who were able to figure it out.

ME: Exactly..! hahaha

DONG: and if you’re not one of those, u have to pay for your own bananas..

ME: Well, it’s not necessary, my man. Dealing with Him is such an impossible business to be done. We never know every single thing that he has fated for us.

DONG: It seems rather odd, isnt it? Choices are not given to everyone to understand it. As humans are created in such a mass of varieties… We differ from each other…

ME: Exactly.. but as I mentioned before God works in such a mysterious way. He lets u to think but he left us to ponder.

DONG: Those imams, priests, gurus and rabbia.. They are all teaching good things… but why cant they be in the same place in afterlife.

ME: Because of the deeds, my man. He created us in such an equal way. but we, as a khalifah, the most vital thing to do is the good deeds.. He is the most just. He knows every single circumstance. Trust me…!

DONG: Thanx mike. Sorry for bothering you with such silly words of mine…. Sign of brain tumor and heart tumor… hohoho..

ME: hahaha.. no big deal. If you think u need someone to talk, just englighten me… U can count on me…

DONG: Thanx bro..

Ada ketika...

Ada ketikanya,

bila dia memikirkan kehidupan itu, ia tidak semudah yang disangka.

Ada ketikanya,

bila dia memikirkan perasaan itu, ia tidak seindah seperti yang dibicara.

Ada ketikanya,

bila dia memikirkan tentang dirinya itu, rupanya dia tidak sekuat mana.

Terima kasih untuk ketika itu…

When a guy says, “I miss you,” he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else.

Girls facts:

1. When a girl is mean to you after a break-up,

she wants you back but she is too scared she’ll get hurt and knows

you’re gone forever!!

2. When you catch a girl glancing at you,

she wants you to look back and smile..

3. When a girl bumps into your arm

while walking with you,

she wants you to hold her hand..

4. When she wants a hug,

she will just stand there..

5. When u break a girl’s heart,

she still feels it when you run into each other three years later..

6. When a girl is quiet,

millions of things are running through her mind..

7. When a girl is not arguing,

she is thinking deeply..

8. When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,

she is wondering how long you will be

around..

9. When a girl answers, “I’m fine,” after a few seconds,

SHE IS NOT FINE AT ALL!!

10. When a girl stares at you,

she is wondering why you are playing games..

11. When a girl lays her head on your chest,

she is wishing for you to be hers forever..

12. When a girl says she can’t live

without you,

she has made up her mind that you are her future..

13. When a girl says, “I miss you,”

NO ONE in this world can miss you MORE than that..

Guys facts:

1. When a guy calls you,

he wants to be with you..

2. When a guy is quiet,

he’s listening to you..

3. When a guy is not arguing,

he realizes he’s wrong..

4. When a guy says, “I’m fine,”

after a few minutes, he means it..

5. When a guy stares at you,

he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do..

6. When you’re laying your head on a guy’s chest,

he has the world..

7. When a guy calls/texts/comments/messages you everyday,

he is in love..

8. When a (good) guy tells you he loves you,

he means it..

9. When a guy says he can’t live without you,

he’s with you till you’re done..

10. When a guy says, “I miss you,” he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else..

“I’m tired of being a good guy,”

“I’m tired of being a good guy,”

There was a night when I really had a quite long discussion with one of my good mates from Malaysia… Assignment were queuing up but hell yeah, who cares? It had been few ages that we did not meet each other and I’m sort of miss to talk with him… Dammit…! So, yeah, just imagine, all the craps were compiled in 2hours phone-calling. Ambitious rite?… haha… We had lotsa issues along the discussion. Macam2 lah… Began from A till Z. However, all of sudden, this fella popped-up with this, “I’m too tired of being a good guy, zam. A humble guy… Aku buat baik but people tend to manipulate me. So, y dont biarkan aku just be selfish? Fair enough.. What do you think?”

Speechless and yeah, obviously words were off from my mouth at that particular period. Kesian… Maybe, he is too depressed with this bunch of people and started not to think about the others…. Being kind to the others but at the end of the day, they ditch you… They ignore you. It hurts, man… Seriously. I am not being a cynical but come on, this is such simple tacit knowledge. It is learned and obviously we do not inherit it. It’s not that we (this is generally to everone who being kind to others) are hoping or expecting a reply from you, but yeah, I don’t think it will waste any piece of your life, when you appreciate people. Even from religious perspective, we are also asked to respect people. A smile or maybe a simple gretting like ‘Thank you’ is not harm to be uttered about, people.

Kadang2 aku rasa life ni is bloody funny. Besides providing the happiness and sweet moments to us, at the same time, it also will screw you up habis2 from upside down. Fuh… It hurts…! But, that is the beauty of life. Shits always happen, mate…! It occurs everywhere. But, remember be wise enough to deal with it.

I have a reason to gloom

It’s very often when we feel we need someone to talk with…

We just can’t look any of one…

It’s very often when we feel to share things with someone with

We just can’t even find a piece…

It’s not a matter that he or she is not there for us…

but,

At times, when I think back…

I just could not find a strong reason to invade or to steal the others’ happiness time by listening to my crappies…

but,

I have a strong reason to gloom with myself…

S*** happens everywhere...

“Everyone is full of shit, but it is a matter how we pay it!!,”

At times, I feel that Vimal is right. Even though, people might laugh of what he said but yeah… I think that he did make sense of what he said (which is very rare to happen). The analogy of ’shit’ which I think is slightly inappropriate to be used has actually given me a very vivid example of basic things that happen in life. Shit always happen! but, we should be wise enough to deal with it. Thanx vimal…!

Surprisingly, I am still awake at 5am. Agak sejuk sebenarnya malam ni but yeah… I do enjoy myself by looking at the sky, counting the stars and at the same time sort of reflecting about life. Sound very conventional and typical, but itulah part of routine which I always do when I am here in Brisbane. Sometimes, I just feel that sharing things with the stars will make us feel better. Mutual satisfaction…! They do listen things which keep running in this mind and never broken the promises not to tell the others.

Erm, kadang2, when I think back, I feel that life is just too complicated for beings. It comes in many form of untie things where everyone of us will be tested. Leaving us with the question marks and hoping us to the answers them. Sound rubbish but yeah, that is how it works. To those who are wise enough, they might just smirk and do some efforts to figure out the answers… but how about the rests? The rests who might easily fell down n just cherish for the answers… very pathetic.. but, yes, again, that is the reality of life. It does happen everywhere. I mean HERE and THERE in no matter what circumstances.

(Sigh…)

Well, life is just too be subjective to be defined as there is no such clear-cut definition of it. Thousands of words may unable to provide a precise descripition of life… Erm… Yeah… life….!!!

These are the posts that I have transferred from my previous blog

He keeps things behind the smiles

He cries with the smiles..

He hopes with the smiles…

He lives with the smiles…

He charishes with the smiles…

He hates with the smiles…

He keeps everything behind the smiles…

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3 weeks go well

Tonight seems to be so quiet compare to the other days before. The lights are dimmed as the first day we arrived here. The sound are just voiceless. Everyone is currently still awake, but it seems that numbers of us have decided only to rot around in the room tonight. Penat agaknya!!!

So, hari ni cukuplah 3 weeks zam is being in australia. Allhamdulilah, everything goes well here so far cume slightly distorted but still controllable. Thanx to all my dearies. Your concern is really2 appreciated and again thanx a bunch for always being a side on me. U guys are just too invicible. Don’t worry k, I’ll be fine soon.

So, back to the topic, well, Brisbane is super-cool. Everything looks fancy and attractive. The people (walaupun certain of them looks a bit ‘dumbo’ poyo skit), the places… wow!!! It’s not that bad especially when you come to City Hall. Lotsa of good things can be found over there if we really know the way to stuff ourselves. Hahaha…. I really mean GOOD THINGS everybody… and before that, for the seniors who might read this, thanx a lot for your helps. Dari kiteorang sampai dkt airport brisbane until now, that’s alot. Yeah, I might not able to list all the names tp seriously all the form of helps are seriously appreciated. Your guys are just simply superb. Also not to forget to our lovely coordinators (plural might be safe as Im not really sure about their position…haha), Mary, Jo and Jan, you are so helpful, humble and kind. Three of you are super-cool and Jan, I really love the way of your laugh… haha..!

Well, I think, that’s all for now. 3 weeks might be too ambitious if I would to write in a very short post… Till then, I will try my level best to update soon. Goodnight.!

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Sadly, it might take the whole life to cure it

Dude,

Thanx for all the soothing words…

It’s is always right…

Even though we are far miles away, but still, you were there with all ears…

Thanx alot…

but

I might not be the one as how you used to think…

I might not be strong as how you used to believe…

I might not be as expressive as done by yesterday…

Sometimes, I may just fell down and watch the others passes by me…

With all the bruises, I just can’t dude…

You told me, ” Dude, learn to let go”…

I’ll happy if every single thing in this whole world is mine…

I’ll happy if my words are very much the same like prerogative…

but it’s not…

It’s not that easy as how everyone thinks….

It takes a minute to know people, but sadly, it might take the whole of life to cure the pain…

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He feels it sincerely...

I miss you when something really good happens,
because you are the one I want to share it with.

I miss you when something is troubling me,

because you are the one who understands me so well.

I miss you when I laugh and cry,

because i know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear.

I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when i lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other;for those were some of the best times of my life

p/s: =(

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'I am here for you'

Look for me,

If you think that you need a person to talk and share with…

Look for me,

If you think that you need a shoulder to cry on…

Look for me,

If you think that you need a person to hold with…

Look for me,

If you think that you need a person to accompany with…

I am here with all the ears.

I am here with all the helps.

For all the times, I am here when you look for me…

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ABSTRAK

Ada ketikanya,

bila hati ini ingin berkata,

Tiada siapa pun mahu mendengar, tiada siapa pun yang mahu mengerti…

Mereka senyum, mereka gelak dan mereka ketawa…

Tetapi aku disini…

Merintih, mengilu, dan menangis seorang diri. Pilukan?

Aku tidak pernah sesekali menyalahkan mahupun memarahi mereka. Kadang-kadang, the verb ‘concern’ itu terlalu sukar untuk difahami apalagi untuk dilaksanakan

Begitu juga dengan suara hati.

A nature of human yang terlalu abstrak untuk diluahkan, tetapi cukup mudah untuk difahami by certain of people.

Sebelum pergi, mak pernah berpesan

“Azan, kalau tak suka apa2, diam sahaja. You don’t have to tell the whole world, my son as not everyone could understand the self of us,”

Pelik kan? Tiba2 sahaja berpesan begitu…

seolah-olah mengetahui segala isi hati anaknya.

seolah-olah mengetahui apa yang sedang difikirkan anaknya

Thanx mum for the words. Thanx for everything. Bekalan kata-katamu itu akan sentiasa diingati…

Terima kasih

p/s: Aisa, thanx for the words too… Most appreciated.

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Manage to breath...

Allhamdulilah.

You are back for the sake of goodness

Even though, not fully recovery yet….

but, yeah, you manage to breath today

He can see how hardly you were trying your best to fight the innate

Such a tough time, yeah?

Well,

Do not worry that much

Things will be fine soon. It’s just a matter of time

So, be proud and be ready for whatever it takes.

Take care.

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