Goodbye

It breaks into thousands of pieces.
A one small and solid heart.
and mind too.
There could be probably nothing that able to fix them up.
*Litte tears*
Goodbye.

A while.

It has been a while.
I miss nearly everything.
You even more.

Sick.

Got real sick since yesterday.

Pray for me. *tears.

p.s: I tried to find you, but you ignored me.

Saya mungkin seperti dungu.

"Kadang-kadang saya benci awak"

Awak selalu merendah-rendahkan saya.

Menghina saya.

Panggil saya dungu.

Sebab saya selalu diam.

Panggil saya bodoh.

Sebab saya selalu mengalah.

Tapi,

Awak tahu kenapa saya selalu diam?

Saya diam bukan bermakna saya mengikut ataupun suka,

tetapi itulah cara saya menyatakan saya tidak bersetuju.

Awak tahu kenapa saya selalu mengalah?

Saya mengalah bukan bermakna saya penakut ataupun 'bacul',

tetapi itulah cara saya mengelakkan konflik.

Awak dan saya mungkin seperti sama,

ada rambut,

ada tangan dan kaki,

ada mulut,

tapi,

saya percaya,

hati dan pemikiran kita sangat berbeza.

2 hours

"Are you crying for me today?"

That was:

the last time I stepped my feet at QUT and talked to the staffs,

the last time I walked pass by the Valley with no bags of chickens with me,

the last time I talked to friendly JB-Hifi assistant and laughed out of loud,

the last time I said "Thanx Mate. Have a good day" to bus driver.

the last time I had Krispy Kreme and sushi.

the last time I smiled to an innocent Korean Easy Way seller.

the last time for everything, here in Brisvegas.

*Tears*

p.s: When can we meet again?

1

"A fine young man who has great sensitivity about life"

p.s: Prayers for you mum (Jo Carr)

6

"I don't want to talk about how you broke my heart"

1. ah, I was quite busy hanging out with few mates these days. Playing game console, having coffees and etc. It was just so good to really have these remaining days left recalling the all good and sad moments from the beginning we first arrived here in Brisbane until now. Twas indeed a very much emotional conversation, but seemed trying to hinder those upsetting feelings with the best jokes and laughters that we could do. =)

2. Another 6 more days left, still reluctantly counting. *sigh* Oh, Mr. Time, you know that I never ask anything big from you since I was a toddler. I was still moving patiently; even though, you were slightly cruel to me when I was run out of times doing the assignment. But, this time, I just need you to move slower than usual. Plz?

*I must be crazy talking stuffs like these*

3. Ah, just put that feeling aside at the moment. Yes, yesterday was the best day being me as Mohd Zamri, probably the happiest one so far. Checking the results, and Allhamdulilah, I think I improved and in fact did quite well for this one hectic semester. Even though it might not be as good and best as how my other mates did; I am still proud of myself and definitely grateful to Him. The patience, the anxiousness and the almost-give-up feeling - they are just paid off. =). Praise to God, again.

It's just so good if I could have a person that I could really share this happiness with.

7 (Yesterday)

"The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase, if you pursue happiness you'll never find it"

PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS? OR CREATING THE HAPPINESS?

1. Never let anyone tell you that your dream is too far from reach.

2. Never let the bitterness of others influence your decisions to have the life you want.

3. Never allow the insecurities of others creep into your mind to let them overtake your own.

4. Never forget your dreams.

5. Never believe that one person, no matter how convincing they may be, has all the answers.

6. Never forget how lucky you are to have a passion- lots of people never find theirs.

7. Always know that what scares you is usually what will make you better.

8. Always remember what makes you happy.

(Amanda, 2010)

9

"I like you"

10

Sayu sungguh hati ini malam ini.

Entah kenapa.

Bila cuba melelapkan mata,

tidak pula tidur hendaknya.

Ah mengapa sahaja hati ini.

Rasa seolah-olah malam ini tidak seperti malam yang biasa.

Sungguh sayu.

Benar.

p.s: I do realise too that I get easily f*ck up lately.

12

"The most sexiest about a girl is her confidence"

Finally, a handbag for mum. Ah, I'm just so happy.

13 (Yesterday)

"Are you an American? You just sound one"

Ah, twas another fun in this week. Hanging around with good friends at good places.

Harbour town.

Surfer Paradise.

Hardrock Cafe.

Alas, when are we going to meet again?

15 (Yesterday). 14 (Today)

"Kita ini hidup bukan menongkat dunia"

Translation: We don't just live forever in this world.

I have a review of movie which I supposed to post it yesterday, but for some reasons, I couldn't finish writing it. Too tired. Ah, I promise I'll post it soon.

Anyway, I would like to wish all the Moslems 'Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha'. May you enjoy and have good moments with the beloved ones. =)

p.s: Oh, my final raya celebration here in Brisbane.

16

"As long as we respect each other, everything will be just OK"

A: Do you feel jealous seeing me talking to that guy?

B: No, I'm not. I was just...

*She immediately interfered before that guy could finish his words.*

A: Good! Ah, you don't have to. You and me, we are just good friends. Nothing special!

*B left with genuine disappointment*

p.s: Too much of drama series today.

17

"Keep blogging"

1. Ah, another lovely and fun day apart from meeting Jo on the other day. Fa and her friend are finally here in Brisbane. Smile. Twas just so good to see her again after our last winter holiday in New Zealand. *Welcome2!*. So, since I wanted to get some groceries stuff, we went to West End morning market today. Bringing them around and feeling the aussie weekend routine. Hehe. It seemed to be fun, I mean walking and passing by random people and others. Plus, that was my 2nd time there even though I hv been living here for almost 2years.

2. Yeah, we walked from one stall to another stall. So, I stopped at this one selling fruit stall looking for the mangoes. 2 ripe mangoes for 5aud. Who care not to stop, aye?. LOL. As I was busy looking at them, suddenly, someone tapped me from back. She smiled. I was freeze at the moment. Ah, I know her, but God, how couldn't I remember her name. She kept smiling again.

3. Gosh! My brain was so stuck and I really could not recall her name. I could only remember her last name which is 'Siong'.

She asked "Do you know me?".

"Ah, of course I know you" I whispered.

*me thinking. Keep thinking vigorously*

"It's me, Jody" She said.

*I smiled*

Yeah, it's Jody. How I could have forgotten that name! Me idiot! My profoundest apology, missy. So, we talked for a while and the mangoes were put aside for a moment. Asking about studies, workplace, life in brief and etc. Such a nice girl, I believe. Very friendly, humble and definitely easy-going person. For your information, that was our first meeting each other ever, which means, we never talked face-to-face before and it happened today unexpectedly. We have been knowing each other through blogging and friends in Facebook. So, I was quietly excited; even though I looked quite freeze and stumble a bit in front of her. LOL. Anyway, twas indeed really nice meeting and talking to you, Jody. We should probably have some cups of coffees before I'm heading back for good.

4. Ah, what really a good day today! Having good friends around, meeting new people, welcoming environment and definitely a good weather.

Can anyone tell me, how can I have no reason to stay here in Brisbane.

18

"Even SHREK still deserves for happy ending"

Saya suka malam tadi.

Berjalan-jalan seorang diri di QUT.

Senyap sahaja, tapi tetap indah.

Bintang-bintang pun berkerlipan pada saya.

Mungkin, sudah lama kita tidak bersua katanya.

Yelah, sejak saya sudah berpindah. Jarang sungguh saya berjalan

diwaktu-waktu begitu.

"Hai bintang! Saya rindu awak semua"

Saya senyum.

Eh, kucing itu masih ada lagi disitu.

Betul! Si tompok yang kelihatan seperti sombong tetapi penakut. Heh.

Dia hanya keluar waktu malam sahaja.

Kasihan. Mungkin, disiang hari terlalu banyak haiwan berbulu besar yang lain.

Si anjing. Yang gebu dan terjelir lidahnya.

Jaga diri ya, si tompok.

Saya akan pulang tidak lama lagi. Oh, bila entah kita akan berjumpa lagi?

Saya pasti akan merindui semua ini.

Woolies. Kebab O'clock. Creative industries. Lain-lain lagi.

Setiap satunya.

Ah, kenapa hari berlalu dengan begitu pantas?

19

"Make the best of what we have"

1. Today was just too lovely to be compared with the other boring days that I went through lately. I woke my a** up quite early this morning, went to uni and met mum (Jo Carr) in her room. Ah, what a happy lady she is! Welcoming me with her big smiles and definitely healthy this time.

* She has been sick lately; so, seeing her around healthily this time somehow makes me to feel good and happy too*

2. The conversation was pretty casual. No pressure, and Jo is always motherly when it comes to a leisure talk. She could fully lend all the ears and give some wise words to us if she felt so. So, we talked a lil bit about our academic stuffs at the beginning, but towards the end we moved slowly talking about myself and herself. She was telling that she'll be retiring possibly end of this year in December. Ah, twas indeed a shocked one, I mean really a sudden decision. I was recently being informed that our coordinator in Malaysia has been replaced with a new man, and today, I got to know that she's going to 'leave' us too. Hmm, how could I not to feel at least 'missing something' feeling . "It's time, zam. Let me be a good grandma and play more happy musics". I smiled. Ah, she's probably in many ways. She would need a proper rest after so long managing and coordinating this twinning program. Yup, for many years, since my seniors times, I could see a lot of her great contributions on this program besides the other important people like Bob, Jan and Mary. She must've been tired, I reckon. Plus, her health condition seems to be finer if she could have more rests and play with the grandchildren.

3. Ah, don't you worry about us, Jo. Even though knowing that you're retiring from academic field might sounds a bit bitter to me, but I'm absolutely happy for you and so the others too, I bet. Thank you very much for everything that you have provided for me here since the beginning. Your inspiring words, your lovely pats on the back, everything. My sincerely thank you. I'll be missing you very badly.

Take care, madame.=')

Play more musics.

20

"If everyone could think, there might be less conflicts or zero war"

20 more days left exactly from today before I'm leaving Brisbane for good.

*Now I know precisely how the seniors used to feel*

Every night, I'm thinking hardly to have at least a reason that can make me to stay here.

Not because of entertainment and freedom that it offers, but because of the place itself.

I just love Brisbane as B.R.I.S.B.A.N.E.

Indeed, a very lay back, peaceful and welcoming place.

Unsurprisingly, Brisbane has been a very good and wonderful 'teacher' for me teaching about how life works.

For some cultural and humanistic reasons, I feel more appreciated and acknowledge here.

I have learnt about the real friendship who could be with you through thin and thick,

not only among the local people but in thinking-Malaysian group as well.

No matter where I go; I could feel a strong sense of belonging.

I am being called politely as a 'mate' rather than inappropriate terms or adjectives.

ah, there are just too many random friendly people who could say hello to you for not a big reason.

How am I going to leave these good things for certain of somethings which I think they shouldn't work that way?

Yes, I miss mum, dad, and the whole family.

I miss the foods.

I miss breathing in my country, who doesn't?

but, definitely not the inappropriate attitudes which I think 'certain of them' still fail to overcome.

Lack of sense of respect.

Lack of good manners.

Lack of here and there as a basic human being.

ah, if this 'certain of them' could do at least a rational thinking for them, probably it is a good place that invites everyone to come.

p.s: Well, I'm still looking the right euphemism for this 'certain of them'.

happy-nise?

"When was the last time I get real happy?"

Lately, I realise that blog seems to be a main place for me to pour my feelings on. Even though, most of the posts were written quite short, but I really found a lot of satisfactions and relieve transforming those discontented feelings into words. Mum said sometimes it is better writing or drawing than barking if we felt screwing up, and I think it works on me. She is just super genius!

p.s: Ah, it is better to have something rather than nothing to be share with. =)

farewell.

It was indeed a very emotional night for me.

I seemed to smile looking at them, at every face to be exact.

Laughing, teasing and cracking some good jokes with them.

Nodding when they left to say 'see you again'.

But, I could not deny that it's really upsetting me.

It's even worst for not able to see both of you.

Thank you very much for the cake.

=(

Sunyi.

Hari-hari yang sunyi,

memang sepi,

dan mungkin akan lebih sunyi lagi pada hari-hari yang akan mendatang.

........

a sister and a 'sister'?

*Heart discreetly whispered*

Sometimes, I wish that I could have at least one good sister.

A younger or elder good sister.

Really. This is not random, but it's just something that I have never spoken to anyone before.

I feel embarrassed to talk about it because I find it as something personal.

But, to be real honest,

I could feel that my life would be probably better if I had two best ladies that I love most in life;

'mum and a sister'

If mum was too busy, she is there for me to talk EVERYTHING with.

I will definitely not resort her as a last person to share with.

She will be my best confidante for the rest my life.

She will be 'Kau ilhamku'.

How wonderful life is, if now, she is here.

She'll be definitely the first one that will know, how significantly screwed I am now.

A guarantee:

To sooth me.

To pat me.

To keep messaging and asking about me.

But unfortunately, 'if' is just a journey of life.

A future that no one knows about its certainty.

*Heart sighed*

Stop dreaming, zam.

Keep moving.

Mum says that you are a strong-hearted guy.

Keep that in your mind.

Coax

It's not a big deal not to have a dreamed sister or any relative.

You have been through all the hardships lonely.

So, why should there be a question about a 'sister' now?

p.s: If I really have a sister, I'll tell her that "I really need you, sis"

Lega.

Lega. Sedikit.

Hilang segala resah and sedih.

Walaupun sekejap tapi bermakna.

Janji-janji itu pasti akan disimpan.

Terima kasih.

=)

Till then, my friend.

Goodbye Min Jun.

작별 인사 hyung!

*You will probably curse me if I tried to call you this again*

8 months with you were totally indescribable, really precious.

From an outsider, to a friend and turn be close brothers in the end.

I really enjoyed having a good company like you.

We seem to have a very same wavelength since the beginning.

We could drink together.

We always play Fifa together.

We curse each other.

and We even sometimes tease people together.

That's really nice eh?

But, tonight, when I start thinking, you are leaving tomorrow,

it makes me feel a lil bit sad. Probably, very sad.

I could sense my loss.

Unit 7 is indeed not complete with you.

There's no more your strong coffee.

There's no more a late night conversation at the verandah.

There's no more a phrase 'sleep well lar' after the Fifa game.

There's no more the smell of your cigarette's smoke.

*sigh*

But, it's all right.

People don't stay. They come and they go.

Same goes to you, me and everybody.

Go home, my friend.

I know, you miss your country alot.

I know, you miss to breath with korea's air.

A place where you born.

Our friendship does not stop till here.

It is progressive as long as we want to keep it going.

Till then, min jun.

Have a safe trip.

Don't cry. =)

Your friend,

Zam.

p.s: Get a partner a.s.a.p. once you are in Korea and practise more for your fifa. LOL! Just kidding.

sad

Thinking of someone who is leaving soon undeniably makes me to feel a lil bit sad.

*sigh*

p.s: I hate to say goodbye.

S*it!

So, here's the short post.

My plan to stay up tonight might just cancel.

Obviously, I'm not doing that on purpose.

*Come on! I am a man of promise* Wink2! LOL.

Yeah, put all the blames on that bloody cup of coffee.

S*it! I didn't know coffee just makes me to think less.

Or probably not to produce any thoughts at all.

Even though, a friend of mine disagreed about it when I posted up on FB.

"Don't blame the coffee for not producing any thoughts,"

But, I still feel that that coffee tu yg bersalah.

Like seriously!

Moral of the story:

To stay up at night, don't substitute the energy drink with the coffee. No good.

M-Fest 2010

Allhamdulilah.

M-fest is just over. One of the big events that I involved and got myself to lead, which I guess, went pretty good and probably 'happening' in a history of my life. Even though, there were numbers of unexpected hiccups which did happen here and there during the event. However, I believe that we (The committees and I) managed to encounter and solve all the issues clinically.

Yeepii! We finally made the plan (of cohort 4 and 5) to happen.

All the hard works paid off!

Big crowds!

Lecturers happy!

Foods 'laku'!

Lotsa big smiles!

Those are more than enough to make me to feel happy satisfied. Nothing could I say other than thank you very much to all the committees, my beloved people who worked really hard to make this big event a successful one. You guys are rox!

Suratan.

Dibuang begitu sahaja.

Diambil jika perlu.

Dipilih jika tiada pilihan.

Mungkin begitu suratan takdirku.

Aku redha.

Itu yang pasti.

Redha.

Where the 'us' have been?

You know,

it feels so yesterday,

or maybe few hours ago,

when we met and sat beside each other.

On the bench, I talked to you,

looking at the moon, finding the stars and talking about the future.

I felt so valued. You gave me with your very best and precious smiles,

teasing me with your lame jokes

that makes me to feel so special even though I am not.

Holding a cup of coffee, listening, giggling,

you nodded your head for every single of my word,

even though you know, I was just crapping of something.

But, you didnt know, I felt so valued.

Now,

it seems to be different.

No more giggling, no more listening.

Maybe the bench that we used to sit together,

is no longer there.

The stars that we used to find,

have started to appear.

The moon that we used to stare,

have been covered by the black clouds.

No more coffee, no more smiles,

no more 'us'.

no more 'we'.

New passion. (50mm)

p.s: Dealing with pictures and camera has made me to forget my past. =')

I need someone to guide me back

"Bagai jatuh ditimpa tangga"

A proverb which I shall say describing me pretty well at the moment.
A proverb which I have to agree illustrating every inch of depression that I am goin' through now.

[Well, it might not as bad as how I think, but, that's what I feel]

Pathetic? Yes people! You are absolutely true.
I could sense that I am significantly screwed up with number of things.

I had a big-time of sucky week.
I had an unsatisfied assignment result which I considered as sucky.
and
yes, I will probably face few upcoming sucky moments lagi lepas ni.

Lately, things are not happy working on my way.
I had lotsa disagreements with stuffs especially things that involve my emotion.
Yes, I know and I dont' need to consolidate it. World does not revolve around us. A fact which I am completely aware about . I could not dictate every single of thing to do as I said.

I could not ask people to like me.
I could not expect to win every match that I play in FIFA.
I could not even ask my lecturer to give me A for every assignment.

Tapi, can I just have something 'meaningful' that would make me to feel sort of
"Yes, zam. It's fine. You are doing all right,"
"It doesn't matter. You are doing great, zam"

Can I have those feelings?
Can I have someone (which I used to have) to pat on my back and tell that to me?

Yes, at this point, I admit that I might sound a lil bit childish.
A boy who still looks for his mum's help.

Tapi, honestly, I really feel helpless and somehow hopeless now.
Plz, I need someone to guide me back.

Learn.

People learn.
We learn.
You learn.
I learn.
Everybody.

But, how many of us could ensure that we really learn and look well after the process? Do we reach to the extent of reflecting for every single that happen in our chapter of life?

p.s: At this point of time, it might be something good to have somebody that I could talk with. Really.

silence period.

I know,
it has been a while or I shall say, very ages I didn't post anything here.
Updates, current news, feelings. No, not any.
I have made less contacts with my blog and the others as well.
Reason? Hmm.
Perhaps, it's just me do not feel inspiring to write anything.
But, yeah, when the time comes, I'll be back to write again.


Take care everyone.

We live alone.

When you think that
you are needed,
actually you are not.

When you feel that
you are strong enough to against and overcome things,
actually you are not.

When you believe that
you could stand as tall as you can,
actually you are not.

and

When you think that
you could be part of them,
maybe it'll just remain as a dream.

We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.

I learn.

As time passes by, I could not resist,
life has given me so much of things which I believe,
might be too tacit to be written in books.
Covert and overt, from one to two,
I learn a bundle of knowledge, moral values, humanistic sense
which are hardly to gain.

Days after days,
minutes after minutes.
from reds to greens,
from light to dark.

I learn better to respect the eldest regardless their societies boundaries.
I learn better to understand and appreciate people by looking at their eyes.
I learn better to sacrifice myself to redeem for others' happiness.
I learn better to distinguish between hopes, dreams and moments.
I learn better to put more smiles on face even though I might hurt.
I learn better to shed the tears and hide my feelings deep into my heart.
I learn better to judge and evaluate things from a huge array of perspectives.
I learn better to use the curse words in appropriate way and time.

This list might go on and on as how the time passes by.
Even though, I might choose to stop learning,
yet the minutes are still ticking,
yet the days are definitely still passing.
That shows life must go on no matter how mess it is.

'Life is too short, so go harder'

Finally.

Presenting,
My new fav.

TAG Heuer Grand Carrera Calibre 17RS2

CORUM ADMIRAL CUP

p.s: Finally, they are in my collection.

My fav

What makes me to remind at her a lot?
Well, if I happened to ask her, this little girl would be definitely using the same answer for every her taken meal.

"Sibuk je,"

p.s: She just makes me to sound so 'kepochi'! sigh. Still, I miss her badly.

22.

Happy Birthday, Zam.
May all the blessings of Him would remain on you.
May all the dreams and your wishes come true.
May all the happiness come to meet you.

And,
May you stand tall in overcoming and walking through things.
Remember, being a 22-year-old-man might not be easy though.

p.s: As I'm writing this, up here in my mind, I have a random thought to get a small cake for myself. But, a cake with no people around might be meaningless. So, I choose to just rot at the coffee shop instead. Hmm...

*Coffee, please.*

A Sacrificer (with capital 'S')

So, here is the story. I have been watching and randomly reading quite a number of romantic stuffs lately. Short stories, poems, movies and so on. I know, this is a way too bizarre and 'jiwa-jiwa' to be done by me. But, I couldn't resist that romantic stuffs are absolutely cool things to be immersed at times. It s calming and somehow, it helps to sooth me down. Ergo, my cognition has made a sweet deal to join heart this time.

So, based on my recent activities, I came to a conclusion where there are always three main characters that involved in any plot of love story.

*Perhaps, this might apply in real life too*

1) A man.

- This is a most vital character in any typical form of love story. (Unless, the story is based on the lesbo couples). Considering to be as always a lucky one, this 'A man' usually will end with a 'happily ever after with his loved partner. Should be a hunk, a hunk and always a hunk.
Sound good huh?

2) A woman.
- Well, another character which seems to complete another half of typical love story. A woman or romantically term is called as (?) *Darn! I lost the word* is being created to establish the sense of hatred or love in the story. As everyone knows, this character is always the one that going to attach to her lucky man.

3) A Sacrificer.
- A Sacrificer (with capital 'S') is always depicted as a lame and pathetic romeo. The presence of him is not recognized or even being addressed by everyone but he is always there throughout the whole love story. And, why did I call him as a pathetic one? Simple! 'A Sacrificer' is always there to enlighten 'a woman' that he lovely adores, but being left when he is no longer needed by his 'a woman'.
Sigh.

p.s: Kahlil Gibran- The broken wings.
p.s.s: I'm seeing more things now.

Misconstrue

I never deny
substitutions always could play a big role in our life.
It might reach to an extent where we have to keep the tears behind our smiles just to please the others.
Tears=Smiles.
It is a way too painful to cope with, huh?.
But, who cares?
No one might want to know about it.

p.s: It hurts when people simply misconstrue you.

Informal but not infernal.

*short, spontaneous and random update*

Unusual, dull and wordless seem to match me lately.
Too many disagreements occur.
Yet, solution is not found.
Damn me!
Seriously.

This morning, instead of rotting at home with no usual noises that I always do.
(or mum will get worried later, and keep asking me)
So, I told her that I'll be going out and chillax somewhere.
*Well, I used a reason to find a proper internet connection and meet few mates*
She seemed to be reluctant at the end beginning and keep asking with thousands ques.
*Obviously, it's a way too bizarre when suddenly, I wanted to meet friends in the morning*
That was rare and random.
But, finally, I manage to end up here in Mcd.
Rotting alone with a cup of tea.

There are not too many people.
But, still, it is fucking bising.
*Malaysians. I whispered*
When I was hoping a pleasant and calming surrounding,
oh fuck. It's not there.
But, still, I love the music that they play. I love their laughter too. Soothing..
At least, there is a remedy that please me.
At least....

5.15pm, Mcd.
Informal but not infernal.

p.s: I just realize that I have been using too much of 'random' words lately.
p.s.s: I left all my phones too and I miss the banana pie. sigh...